June 8, 2005

Chill, Lindsay

This is boosted from a post the Brat left on BV (and please check out said Brat’s site on Nona Gaye, www.nona-gaye.net). Check this out…

In the July issue of Elle magazine, Lindsay (Lohan) is quoted as saying, “Black guys love me- Damon (Dash), P. Diddy. 50 cent called my agent for my number. He said he was watching Mean Girls and loved it. I was freaking out! The first thing I thought was, Where’s Eminem? I’m in love with him!”

Oh buddy…

First of all, five negroes ain’t enough of a sample to draw any large conclusions. When I talk with my folks about white girls we’d endanger familial relationships to deal with–and that is, admittedly, a high standard in my universe–she just doesn’t make the cut.

Angelina Jolie, she makes it. I don’t care how weird she is. I’d take her to dinner and just roll the dice from there.

Gee, I’m running low on candidates off the top of my head, so maybe I’m not the best person to evaluate this (fellas, use the comments to fill in the blanks. Even you, Kirk, though you’re white already. You know what white girls make my cut). I can tell you this, though–niggaz don’t love Lindsay. A couple of famous dudes might want a piece, but we don’t love her.

The other thing is that she’s managed to pull off an amazing feat–she’s one of the few women that was better looking at age 17 than at 18. That phenomenon occurs somewhat frequently in college. It’s called the Freshman Fifteen. Unfortunately for Linday, it looks like she dropped fifteen instead of picking them up. That’s not cool, man. Usually, the danger is that bad ass seventeen year-olds turn into fat twenty-five year-olds. Instead, she’s turning into a scaly skeletor-ish figure.

And niggaz don’t love that.

At the risk of generalizing, I feel comfortable saying what black men really like.

Booty. Duke. Cheeks. Ass. Back. Any other synonyms.

Lindsay, baby…I don’t see any of that from you these days. No good.

But let’s move off of that line of thought. It’s possible I’m letting my personal tastes affect something that’s intended to be scientific and logical.

Okay, I couldn’t even type that with a straight face.

Anyway, I’m really curious when her agent received these calls. As I said, she hasn’t been legal for long. These cats didn’t call before the deadline, did they? They weren’t about to break out the camera, drink lots of fluids, and get their Kells on, were they?

Let’s hope not, man.

On this site, people got on me for presuming what Rasheed’s intentions were in that e-mail, saying that he may have just wanted to chit chat with my ex just because. Well, if you were silly enough to believe that, you might think those cats were calling her agent about something work-related. Well, if they were calling her representatives about work, don’t you think they would mention that in the call? C’mon dog…

Help me out…do brothers love Lindsay Lohan? Hell, at this point, do white boys even love her anymore?

****

And I had to come and update this post just because I’m loving the playlist I put together today. I’ve been mostly listening to just albums, but this one’s a winner for my odd tastes.

Parliament - Oh Lord, Why Lord
Audioslave - Getaway Car
Aerosmith - Fallin In Love (Is So Hard on the Knees)
Aretha Franklin - Dr. Feelgood
Alien Ant Farm - Attitude
Aerosmith - Love in an Elevator
Eric B. and Rakim - I Ain’t No Joke
Run-DMC - Perfection
50 Cent - A Baltimore Love Thing
Weezer - Say It Ain’t So
Ludacris - Area Codes
Big Punisher - I’m Not a Player
Weezer - Only in Dreams
Raekwon - Criminology
Van Morrison - Gypsy in My Soul
Van Morrison - Celtic New Year
Beastie Boys - Slow and Low
Lynyrd Skynyrd - Mr. Saturday Night Special
Sly and the Family Stone - Just Like a Baby

16 Comments »

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  1. You know, I don’t really know if I can add much. That Skeletor thing is dead on. All we’ve got now is to wait and see (and speculate) just how hard she finally crashes. And make no mistake, it’s gonna happen and soon.

    So yeah, Angelina works. Maybe Ashley Judd if you’re into the “girl next door” image. Other than that, if you got Diddy money and you’re into young, emaciated white girls, at least try to get the Olsen twins on a 2 for 1 deal, sorta like their DVD’s in the bargain bin at Blockbuster.

    Is she so desperate for attention already? If so, I give her one more year, and she’s in court ordered rehab by age 20.

    Comment by Kirk — June 8, 2005 #

  2. Before I make my much belated return to posting, “I Ain’t No Joke” is an excellent way to start off your day, evening, month, year, week or whatever time period you so desire…

    Lindsay Lohan? Nigguh please!! Like you said, she ain’t got no arse man. Real brothas like women that have developed their gluets, mane…
    Damn..Skeletor?? at age 18…that’s not good…She might be Whitney at MJ’s concert by 19 if she keeps it going on…

    Angelina Jolie can get it…but I’m kinda wary of a chick that tongued her brother and had his-and-her matching vials of blood for he and Billy Bob Thornton…
    …Ashley Judd, shid she’s a sports fan..so she’ll actually sit and watch ESPN with you without a problme…interesting Kirk…

    I’m sure brothas keep a WGTB (White Girl To Bone) list, but I’m not one of them…I know some that do, and Lindsay Lohan ain’t on them…

    P.S.: Not drinking lots of fluids and getting their Kells on? Would that leave them trapped in the closet humming “Piss On You” when Lindsay’s crazy ass dad shows up?

    Comment by Fred Batiste, A Weapon of Mass Destruction — June 8, 2005 #

  3. hahaha… love the Chapelle reference… “haters wanna hate, lovers wanna love, I don’t even want none of the above I want to piss on you…”

    Do black guys consider themselves to have the Asian fetish or is it only white guys? I must say most Asian girls simply cannot fill out a pair of jeans they way most black girls do… “sh, sh-sh shake that ass girl”

    Bomani’s note - I’ve said that Asian women are like type O blood–they’re the universal donor. Every race of man I’ve met, no matter their restrictions on dating when ethnicity is a determining factor, has been willing to date an Asian woman. In Cali, many black dudes would kick me–yes, me–down a flight of steps to get at the Asian woman working the desk at the Renaissance. And I’d kick me down a flight of steps to get at that one I saw at the Renaissance.

    Comment by bboypoop — June 8, 2005 #

  4. I suppose we have trouble resisting Denise Richards (See “Grits n’ Gravy” and “Conspiracy Brother”). BTW, “Herbie” looks turrble.

    Comment by williethepimp — June 9, 2005 #

  5. There is in fact a large subset of men of all races, but especially Black men, who have an Asian chick fetish. Roland Fryer did a paper on this actually, and found that this is the most prominent with young Black men who don’t value education. It’s also the first step in those same men acting white.

    Comment by Kirk — June 9, 2005 #

  6. Two words- Jessica Alba.

    Game over.

    Bomani Jones- Score! And for clarification, this AshyLarry isn’t the same as the Ashy Larry I mention a lot on here.

    Comment by AshyLarry — June 9, 2005 #

  7. My bad, not trying to cause a ruckus. I’ll go with ChappedLarry.

    And I thought of another. Gotta turn in my Hood Card for this one, but…

    Jessica Simpson. The fetus forehead is a bit of a turn-off, but she would catch a quick one.

    I’m out to go clubbing with Cuba Gooding, Jr., Shane Battier and Michael Strahan.

    Comment by ChappedLarry — June 9, 2005 #

  8. I may be wrong, but I believe Jessica Alba is Persian, like your girl Paula Abdul, however, this minor detail would not stop Jessica Alba from gettin’ it.

    Also, I may be weird, but asian girls really dont do anything for me (with the exception of a few filipinos i’ve come across). More often than not, the booty resembles a pancake, and im partial to biscuits…

    Comment by J.R. — June 9, 2005 #

  9. I gotta come back and clarify that Jessica Alba is of Latin decent via her father though her mother is white. If we are going to open the door to Latinas and women of “mixed race” then that defeats then that defeats the purpose yanno?

    Comment by williethepimp — June 10, 2005 #

  10. Dying laughing at whoever said they were partial to “biscuits”!!

    It’s so funny how white women relate credibiity as a “woman” to a black men wanting them … are you serious?

    I don’t know who to blame though … that’s what’s so sad.

    Comment by MsInstyle — June 10, 2005 #

  11. Not to belabor the point, but Jessica Alba is “Latina” like Paula Abdul is “Black”- being of “Danish, Spanish and French descent” makes one European, not Latina. It’s all a part of the recent trend of Hollywood stars trying to widen their appeal by claiming every piece of their lineage, no matter how small or undefined.

    Since when does Spanish equal Latina? Since Gwen Stefani made dressing and acting like a Chicana cool, and since J-Lo’s doo-doo maker started banking coin.

    Bomani’s note - yessuh! Spanish is white, man. Habla-ing espanol does not make a Latina in the way we think of it. Spaniards are just white folks. Should you not believe me, just ask one of ‘em. Even better, ask some of those colonized people in Central and South America.

    Comment by ChappedLarry — June 10, 2005 #

  12. DUKE! I told some particular somebodies at work that a particular somebody regular be looking at my duke and cussing me out at the same time. This was the response:
    “Duke? What’s duke?”
    Thanks for reviving duke. Keepin’ it southern.

    1. Lindsay Lohan??? Maybe they just heard she can suck a mean dick.

    2. Asian women seem to dig any man who ain’t Asian.

    3. Oddly, Black girls are never are on the “in” list. How’d we miss that?(if anyone says what about Halle Berry I’ll scream)

    I’m extra late on this post, but I’m a female so I guess I shouldna posted no way :)

    Comment by Elizabeth — June 11, 2005 #

  13. Elizabeth hit the nail on the head on all three points, but I have to add one condition to point 3: Black women are never on the “it” list because blackness in general always is. Since white people came across their first African they been trying to tap into their inner doo-rag. Couple of cases in point:
    1. White people overruning Harlem (and Clinton is an honorary member of the Brotherhood, so he doesn’t count in the infiltration)
    2. Sk8er boys with dreds
    3. America’s fascination with Britney Spears/JLo’s asses
    4. Bo Derek’s cornrows
    5. White rappers, jazz and blues musicians
    6. The White Shadow and Welcome Back Kotter
    7. The KKK. According to the Civil Rights Museum in Memphis, the Klan chose a triple-letter moniker to mimic Greek-letter societies made popular in the South by–you guessed it–black college students.
    Embrace your afros. It won’t be long before Paris Hilton is sporting one, too.

    Bomani’s note - this can’t be true. A museum in Memphis? Not a way in the world.

    Comment by If all teachers were this hot... — June 11, 2005 #

  14. Just gotta be a smart-aleck and play devil’s advocate..

    1. Sorry..but the KKK was around a good 60 years prior to the formation of any black-greek letter organization, let alone those SOBs knew they existed. However, I know the actual name has some Greek roots a mimicked the fraternal orders (read: Elks) in terms of organization and the sort…
    Maybe KKK was used because newspapers got tired of typing “Ku Klux Klan” at every reference..besides it was catchy and sold newspapers…Ironically, the Klan was at its peak at let’s say 1910-1930..when the black greek-letter organizations where getting off the ground.

    Also…the KKK robes were bitten off the ceremonial robes worn by the Moors of Seville, Spain…

    2. Em was right when he said y’all musta not seen a white person before. There has been some white people (Rick Rubin, namely) played a highly important role into what he now know as hip-hop.

    3. Y’all, and we are all, killin’ me with this “mixed descent” crap. See what intergration has done to people!!! Now some folk just be throwing out “oh my people were French and yaddah yaddah” and be blacker than midnight with hair like brillo, baby!!!…Maybe we should just go back to the old racist “one drop” philosophy. Or better yet, the old Unconstitutional Louisiana standard “1/64″ rule…Maybe that will clear up the confusion..

    So if Jessica Alba is Persian (note: Iran presently is where Persia was)..so I guess that makes Andre Agassi Persian too, since his pops immigrated from Iran????

    Bomani’s note - Moral of the story–never believe anything that was learned in Memphis other than the recipe for a fi-fi delish pig ear sandwich.

    Comment by Fred Batiste, A Weapon of Mass Destruction — June 11, 2005 #

  15. Well, I may not know much about Iran or Persians or a whole slew of other things, but I do know we’ve gotten waaaaaaaaaaaaayyyyyyyy off topic. We went from Lindsay Lohan to the Klan. Focus people!

    However, since we’re on the new topic, just a few thoughts on the points mentioned.

    White people have taken over a lot of neighborhoods, not just Harlem. And it isn’t really white people, it’s the middle and upper-middle classes. Now, yes, it happens that the majority of those people are white, but this is (I think) primarily an economic phenomenon first, and a racial one second.

    Sk8er boys are idiots. Always have been, always will be. Can’t hold that against anyone else. They should all be beaten senseless.

    Ass fascination (ass-ination?) has nothing to do with blackness whatsoever. A nice ass is a nice ass. Sorry, it’s that simple.

    And lastly, white people, at least speaking for myself and the ones I think I can speak for, are not trying to be black, co-opt any facet or aspect of blackness, or anything else along those lines. The aforementioned sk8er boy with dreads? It isn’t because he’s white. It’s because he’s a fucking retard. Clinton played the sax on Arsenio. Was he trying to be black? If so, how does that affect his status as an honorary member of the brotherhood? Did he have to pass a probationary period? And how does everyone feel about him marrying a rich white woman?

    Just seems like so much of it is arbitrary to me. Not sure I understand how it all fits together to make sense.

    Comment by Kirk — June 12, 2005 #

  16. Checked in to see if there were any drops on the MJ verdict and I saw the side note on Memphis. NOT COOL. Especially after my last year in Houston could be totally defined by the national hip hop coma called Mike Jones.

    Comment by If all teachers were this hot... — June 13, 2005 #

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