July 31, 2006

The Blatant Disrespect

The fishing trip was really cool, though grueling. More on that later. In the meantime, a little social commentary.

I really get ticked off at people who talk about hwo th world’s going to hell in a handbasket because of the current generation. Like cats wasn’t messin’ up back in the day, right? But yanno, sometimes stuff happens that I don’t think would have gone down in teh olden days.

And those things make me say it again–we must convene a meeting of the G-Code Committee.

So me and the girlfriend went to breakfast on Saturday morning. The establishment was the Old Pancake House in downtown Charlotte. I feel it necessary to include this information in case you go to the place.

So we’re there, eating and all that stuff. We wound up being there for a while because one of the girlfriend’s buddies was coming to meet us and chill for a second. So I’m at the table sippin’ coffee while she finishes her omelet. Her friend shows up and joins us, and we’re all having a hunky dory time.

So now, I ask the waiter to come bring me some more coffee. Should I have had to ask for that? Of course not. But since this clown was pretty dreadful all day long–one of those cats that does his job without actually talking and asking questions– I was just happy he came over.

Buddy came over, and I pushed my cup to the edge of the table to make things easier on him. But for some reason, the dude was about to pour coffee on the middle of the table. I couldn’t figure out how in the world he could have missed the cup that badly.

Then he told me.

“I’m sorry, I was too busy looking at her.”

Now, I figure he must have been talking about the late arriving friend. After all, I’d been sitting there for almost an hour with the girlfriend. He had to know I was with her. So, he must have been looking at the other girl, right?

Wrong.

That, friends, is what we call The Blatant Disrespect, a special variety of G-Code violation. This nigga been listenin’ to too many Joe records.

By the time I realized this, nigga was gone. In retrospect, I shouldn’t have paid for the food.

When the hell did niggaz start thinkin, “my bad, I was too busy lookin at your girl,” was an acceptable thing to say AT WORK? AT WORK? Did this nigga go to the Morris Day “I Got to Be Cooler Than this Cat You’re Sittin’ With” School of Pimpin’? This nigga’s hair wasn’t as pretty as Morris’. He can’t do that. And he don’t look like he could do The Bird.

Fellas, what would you have done in that situation? I dropped the ball because it never dawned on me that was what he was gettin’ at.

Stuff like that happens, and you wonder why cats pack weapons. In ‘68, he’d have got cut like deli meat.

And I’m not even the jealous type. In fact, I wouldn’t mind too much if he pulled that and I wasn’t around. She can handle such a situation as she sees fit. But in my grill? When you work on tips?

Shoulda told on him to his manager.

So yeah, if you see a wrinkly cat working at the Old Pancake House, ask for another waiter. On top of being a bad waiter, he has no respect for The G-Code.

I should have asked if he has a cousin named Rasheed.

July 28, 2006

Fishing Is Pretty Cool…

…but watching fishing has its shortcomings. But overall, I say this–spending this morning on the water’s got me ready to stack my bread and get a boat. Or maybe a houseboat??

Can you get hi-speed internet on those things?

Anyway, I had a cool mix-and-match list thing planned for Friday and wanted to look at Jay-Z’s In My Lifetime, Vol. 1 for “Take it Back.” Then someone told me today is Friday. Thought it was Thursday. Swear to goodness.

I need sleep. I ain’t gettin’ it for a while. Oh well.

See you Monday.

July 27, 2006

Interesting 36 Hours or So

So I’m in my room in Charlotte getting ready to go to the bass fishing tournament. Many people seem struck that I would do this, but I think it will be really interesting. I haven’t been around the outdoorsy type in a while, and I bet there’s a dynamic present that I’ve never experienced. Good times are a-comin’.

Plus, my room is dope! View of the city and all that. Only letdown, of course, is there’s no crocodile on my headboard. That would be pimpin’.

Anyway, here are a few observations from my last 48 hours or so.

I really love DC. I’ve never been able to really put my finger on it, but the DC metro area has always done it for me. Perhaps it’s because, after nine years of being friends with JR, it feels like home in a lot of ways. Also doesn’t hurt that there’s a healthy supply of beautiful women. Which brings me to my next point…

I now know how to tell the married men at the train station. They’re the ones walking fast and not saying a word to anyone. Walking slow and talking is a great way to wind up face first in an ethical dilemma. Goodness, man. I mean bad women e’where.

Doing talks may be the best part of this job. Didn’t have to snatch nobody up by the belt loops. In fact, talking to those kids was one of the best experiences I’ve had in a while. They seemed really interested in writing, and it seems I may have been able to help them get better at what they’re doing. ‘Tis a good feeling indeed.

Driving through Virginia can take years off your life. The police are e’where. Hiding behind pine trees and stuff. They know that ain’t right.

Nothing is scarier than a random note on your door. Pulled up to my door and saw a card on the door that wasn’t on anyone else’s. Thought The Man was coming to get me. Good thing it was a much better note than that.

Correction. Worse than a note on the door would be seeing your door butt nekkid open. My bad. Reminds me of a time I told Delaware Dave that nothing was worse than seeing your car getting towed. He said the worst is coming to your parking spot, not seeing your car, hoping it was towed, and knowing full well that it wasn’t. He was correct.

Flat tires suck. Says it all, right? They suck. The end.

I realized again that I’m getting old. I got here too late today to go on a boat, so I decided to kill time before checking in. Figured it couldn’t hurt to go to TJ Maxx. $200 bucks later–all spent on business attire, pillows, and pajamas–I left. Really, pillows? Are you–or am I–serious?

I missed my blogday. I like to recap good posts from the last year on blogday. Guess I’ll run that together with International Baba Day. Only 30 days away!

I ain’t heard from a few of y’all in a minute. BJ, Dame…where y’all at?

That’s all for now. I’m sure there will be more tomorrow.

July 25, 2006

I Need Football

Business…here’s a new piece on why we need football season to start pronto.

Here’s one I contributed to, where I detail how my dear, sweet mother snaked me for a baseball card back in 1990.

Heading to D.C. to speak tomorrow at Saint Albans School for Boys. I’m pretty sure my story about that will end one of two ways.

1. I must say it was a pleasure to work with such eager, inquisitive kids.

or….

2. That’s when I had to snatch him by the collar and tell him who he was dealing with.

But there is a dilemma–kids of type 2 tend to tell the best deez nuts(!!!) jokes.

Y’all know about that barbecue?

July 24, 2006

The Final Chappelle–Score!

Okay, that one was really, really funny. I’ve heard complaints about the gross stuff, but that’s always been on the show. It’s been a problem, but I didn’t think so this time. You can say what you want because, honestly, I was lauging too hard to create an informed, analytical critique.

But that werewolf/pretty hair line is for the annals.

July 21, 2006

25 Amazing Voices

It’s just that simple. 25 people with absolutely incredible voices.

Aretha Franklin. The best female singer in American history.

Paul Robeson. He might have had the voice of God. And this is an agnostic saying that.

Marvin Gaye. Again, another worrisome case of a man whose best skill was the ability to exhibit longing.

Eartha Kitt. When she talks, it sounds like she’s trying to get in your pockets. And if she did it to me for real, I’d walk out of there with my pockets looking like elephant ears.

Michael Jackson. If only he used it more. I’ll always have that knock on MJ, but I’ll never knock what he can do.

Chris Cornell. The best rock singer of the last twenty years. Him and that weirdo…

Mike Patton. but my goodness, he’s crazy. He can do a bunch of shit with his voice, though.

Chuck D. Just screams out “authority.”

Etta James. Oh yeah, “At Last” is one of the greatest records ever made. Ever.

Van Morrison. This sounds patronizing, but I don’t know another way to put it–Van Morrison is the greatest white singer ever. I don’t even think it’s close.

Patti Labelle. Good lord.

Pimp C. Find out if you don’t know.

Andre 3000. Rappin, not singin. Rappin.

Method Man. No matter what anyone said before, Meth’s voice is an all-time classic.

Snoop Doggy Dogg. You know it.

Barry White. The gold standard for bass voices.

David Ruffin. Perhaps the gold standard for niggaz singin that can’t sing but rip it.

Donny Hathaway. Here’s the thing–he’s a one-trick pony. Can be absolutely touching or utterly boring. Yes, I know a few of you are about to cut up on that one.

MC Lyte. Powerful cadence.

Rick James. The underrated part of his game.

Sam Cooke. But I wonder about anyone that naturally sound sad like that, yanno? That said, he’s one of hte fuckin’ greatest.

Slick Rick. No better hip hop delivery.

Busta Rhymes. Fuck it, I love The Big Bang.

MJG. Underrated delivery.

Paul Simon. Odd choice, right? Simon’s no boss vocalist. But every song he sings just sounds like Paul Simon’s singing it. I really feel like I know him, and it’s because of his voice and how they perfectly fit his lyrics.

Oh yeah, peep that Ray Cash. Peep it.

July 20, 2006

Take it Back–What’s Prince’s Best Album?

Just to piss Kirk off, I’m writing about Prince today. Hi Kirk.

Anyway, I wasn’t sure what to write about this week for the still-sponsorless Take It Back, so I decided to go with what I know. If you didn’t know, Prince is my favorite artist ever, only rivaled in my one-person universe by OutKast, Stevie, James Brown and a couple of other folks. I’ll spend another day explaining why.

There are four Prince albums that are generally considered to be a cut above the rest–Dirty Mind, 1999, Purple Rain, and Sign O the Times. I’ve always maintained that Sign O The Times was the best of those, the best album of the ’80s, and a few other superlatives.

But while thinking about that Lauryn Hill album, I had to reconsider that. Sign O The Times does have a skipper, “It’s Gonna Be a Beautiful Night.” It’s a good cut, but not like the others. And I’m not super crazy about “Hot Thing.”

More on that later. But I figured it would be kinda interesting to go through those four records and see how they stack up. And if you want, feel free to apply this to Parade, which barely misses the cut.

Dirty Mind

The story on DM is pretty interesting. The version you hear on the album is the demo version. Being the cantakerous artist he is, Prince decided that there was no way to improve the record from what he did in the basement of his house. For that reason, the record sounds raw and spontaneous at every turn. Oh yeah, and nasty as fuck. Emphasis on fuck. It’s sex pretty much from start to finish, but not too much romance.

(And while I love the record how it is, I’d love to hear what it would sound like remastered and with a piano. More later on that last part.)

Most amazing characteristic–brevity.

This record is eight tracks and 29 minutes long. Even still, you’re left wanting more but not feeling shortchanged. Just concentrated energy a la The Ramones. How often can you say that you blasted the entirety of a classic in half an hour?

Nastiest moment–”Sister.”

She says she don’t wear underwear
Says it only gets in her hair
And has a funny way of stopping the juice.

And he’s talking about his sister. Much older sister. Like it would be illegal if it wasn’t already illegal.

Best track–”When You Were Mine.”

Absolute genius. And not to sound like a misogynist–which means I will and might be one–but this chick never sounded like she should have been trusted. Step your game up, lil fella.

Worst track–none, really.

This is a really consistent record. Not a lot of variance between the best track and the worst. But if forced to drop one, it would be “Do It All Night.”

What I would change–PIANO

There was no room in Prince’s basement for a piano, so there’s no piano on the record. What a loss, man. I contend that he’s a better piano player than anything, and that’s saying a lot. I’d also like to have heard this record done after his voice matured a bit. Then, he sang because he had to. A few years later, he could sing his ass off.

In the end, this stands up with any album of the early ’80s. It’s energetic, it’s interesting, it’s sexy, and it’s fun And when you consider it’s demos, you can’t help but be amazed (same for Springsteen’s Nebraska, which don’t hold a candle to this).

1999

After Dirty Mind was Controversy, which was an attempt to do a finished version of DM. It’s got moments, but it’s not the heat. That’s what happens when you do albums six months apart. Prince knew that his next record had to be a hit. To get there, he chose a double album titled 1999.

Most amazing characteristic–expanse.

Where DM was quick and to the point, 1999 takes its time. There are no 2 minute joints on here. Most of them are about six minutes long. Some around 9 or 10. It’s also expansive in scope, sound and subject matter. The use of the Linn synthesizer gives a lot of the songs a similar sound, but that’s only if you’re not paying close attention. While having common charactersitics, “1999,” “Little Red Corvette,” “Delirious,” and “Let’s Pretend We’re Married” all sound different and discuss entirely different themes. But somehow, they all work together perfectly in sequence. Very impressive.

Nastiest Moment–”Little Red Corvette”

I guess I must be dumb
She had a pocket full of horses
Trojans, some of them used

Uhhhh…let’s just say it took a lot to top, “I’m not saying this to be nasty, but I’d sincerely like to fuck the taste out of your mouth.”

Best track–”Little Red Corvette”

My man Eric Arnold once called this a modernized version of “I Wanna Hold Your Hand.” He’s right. Absolutely incredible.

Worst track–”Something in the Water (Doesn’t Compute)”

And there’s really nothing wrong with it. Just not really necessary.

What I would change–not a damn thing.

This is what I said about this one years ago…

“His first double album, “1999,” was a smashing success, a cultural landmark that showed how genius could turn vulgarity into erotica, weirdness into eccentricity, and synthesizers into orchestral weapons.”

Purple Rain

After 1999, Prince decided he wanted a movie. He had the juice to make it happen after the success of 1999. So they gave him a movie. He gave them a soundtrack.

Most amazing characterstic–energy.

By the time the first guitar chords on “Let’s Go Crazy” are played, you know you’re in a different world. Even the ballads get your heart rate up. It’s absolutely amazing.

Nastiest moment–”Darling Nikki”

Pick a line. Any line.

Best track–”When Doves Cry”

Goodness gracious. Good lord. I agree with Ahmir Thompson–this is the most audacious #1 single ever.

Worst track–”I Would Die 4 U.”

I can do without it, even though it’s pretty damn good.

What I would change–sequencing.

I prefer the movie sequencing. Put “Purple Rain” at #7 and not the end. Then close with “Baby, I’m a Star,” which sums up the album much better.

Sign O The Times

Just read this.

Best track–”Adore”

(Turn away from the screen, children.)

No record is more conducive to sex than this one. None. I dare you to leave me in the room with your woman and this song in the background. I just hope your woman’s cute, for it would really suck if the music made me have to end the night with the phrase, “for real, I’ll cut you if you tell a soul.”

Nastiest moment–???

Ths record is really tame by comparison. Much more subtle. That’s actually a strike against it.

Worst track–”It’s Gonna Be a Beautiful Night”

Yanno, I’ve actually only listened to this all the way through like twice. Price you pay for being before “Adore.” My man ben feels the same way about U2’s “WhosGonnaRideYourWildHorses,” which directly precedes “So Cruel.”

What I would change–I would have put “When 2 R In Love” on Disc 1 (instead of Lovesexy or The Black Album) and saved “Slow Love” for later. In other words, I’m just being greedy.

So what’s my final order?

4. Dirty Mind

For everything good I have to say about it, Prince evolved so much after this that it’s hard to not consider what this record could have sounded like. Really, imagine if he’d run with this premise in ‘88. Whoooo…

3. Purple Rain

I’m torn here. The energy of this record is irreplaceable, and it’s hard to explain it in a way that matters. But there isn’t a single song on here that doesn’t hit you somewhere when it starts. Not a single one. At the same time, I just feel like it should be here, even though i have no defensible answer for that. Guess that’s the tough part about ranking stratospheric records.

2. 1999

Okay, I got it. This record was farther ahead of its time than Purple Rain That shouldn’t matter too much for the here and now, but it’s something to consider. The killer is how he covered so much ground within a cohesive structure. Amazing.

1. Sign O The Times

It still wins. A year ago, I wondered about this choice because it had two songs I thought were skippers, “Play in the Sunshine” and “It’s Gonna Be a Beautiful Night.” Then my man Funzo Goodstein mentioned to me that he loved “Play in the Sunshine.” So I went back and gave it another chance. Absolutely loved it. No idea how I was trippin.

If I can go back years later and develop a new appreciation for a song on a record without losing appreciation for another, then we’re onto something.

And that’s all. Argue as you see so fit. And yes, Kirk, I’m waiting on it.

July 19, 2006

Don’t Cry For Houston

My boss, Kevin Jackson, has a good piece up on Seattle’s all-but-assured loss of the Sonics. Poor guy.

Along the way, he mentioned that he empathized with every city that had lost a team in his lifetime. That includes my city, Houston, which lost the Oilers in 1996. Thanks for the love, Kevin.

But we’ll be okay. Really.

In case you didn’t know, we gave that team away. Didn’t want them anymore. Bud Adams had the audacity to demand stadium stuff when the team was as bad as it was post-Earl-pre-Run-N-Shoot. Man, they were dreadful. I would love to describe how bad, but the home games never sold out and were never on television. Plus, I was more of a Falcons fan anyway, so I never really felt inclined to peep them if there was something better on. But unlike the classic fairweather Houston fan–and no city is more fairweather–I was never that deep into them anyway. My sports loyalties are to Atlanta teams (or, in the case of basketball, mostly to the game itself).

Anyway, it was interesting that he mentioned that about Houston because I don’t remember any weeping. In fact, I remember there being only like 60 people at the Save the Oilers rally in ‘96. In case you weren’t aware, Houston’s the 4th largest city in America.

And only 60 people show up. More people than that show up to watch high school football practices.

But Bud tried to play the city too many times. After he threatened to move to Jacksonville in ‘87, the Astrodome was renovated. The biggest part of that–the centerfield scoreboard was taken down. That really was like losing a family member for most people. In fact, check the quotes in the “fast facts” section in this link. The scoreboard was primarily used at baseball games, and it took away valuable football seating.

So Bud asked for it to go. And it did. I really can’t knock that.

But then he came back asking for more when the team was at its bottom. The city had enough and was okay with him leaving.

Houston’s an interesting city for sports because it’s not blindly loyal to any team. If the teams don’t produce, Houston doesn’t show up. If it doesn’t produce and tries to extort things against the threat of leaving, you can take your shit and dip. Just the name of the game.

But I do feel bad for Kevin. It’s gotta suck to lose something you love. But I’ve also lived between two cities, so I can’t perfectly empathize. I love sports more than most teams (the Braves being a serious exception). But losing anything you love is rough.

Got a lot going on, but probably no new pieces this week. I am, however, speaking at a school in the DC area next week and covering a bass fishing championship later next week. Also got something else I’m working on that I’ll tell you about soon.

And before I go, congratulations to Gary Dauphin! Gary left the 3,000th comment in the history of virtual Bomaniland. Hooray Gary!

July 18, 2006

New Piece!

Business…here’s an education on the Atlanta Braves for the 85% out there.

So I got up at 4 in the morning to write that, and I’ve been worn out all day. However, I must play that new NCAA!!!

July 17, 2006

Charlie and Donnell Are Sellouts

Last night’s Chappelle’s Show wasn’t funny. No other way to say it. Had to put the other one on TiVo to make sure I wasn’t just gassed about the last one because I was just yearning for the show. The last one’s still funny, so it’s all good.

Except it’s not.

Last week, I asked whether Charlie Murhpy and Donnell Rawlings were selling out by hosting the show in Dave’s stead. They gotta eat, so I’d never be too critical. Plus, I don’t know if they’re Dave’s boys or were just his co-workers (employees).

After the last show, I’m comfortable saying it’s the latter.

Here’s the story–Comedy Central decided to televise a sketch where Dave plays mistrel-like pixies that pop in people’s heads when they’re in situations where their races make things uncomfortable. For example, a sambo pops up when Dave is trying to decide whether to order chicken on an airplane.

I think it’s a pretty good premise. I actually wrote something about it a few years ago. Anyway, the sketch wasn’t bad.

But see, the sketch is also infamous. This is the sketch that Dave says made him reconsider what he was doing on the show. He said he saw someone laughing in a way that made him uncomfortable, so it was time to jet.

It didn’t seem like the sketch that would make someone quit over racial conscience. This was not nearly as close to the line as Reparations 2003. That was the one that made me worry if white people were going to miss the point (but when it comes to reparations, most people of all persuasions miss the point, anyway). But Dave chose to quit, as is his right. Not my place to say anything about how he should or should not feel. As a rule, I have little to say about people having hypersensitive consciences unless said conscience adversely affects my sex life. Beyond that, be what you want.

So Comedy Central decided to show that sketch. And since they’re having the damndest time filling up full half-hour episodes, they decided to follow the sketch with audience discussion on the sketch and whether they found it to be offensive.

What followed was utter bullshit. First, the audience responses were very carefully edited. Not a single person in the audience, that I remember, had a problem with the sketch. I didn’t either, and I have no doubt that no one in hte audience was offended. There’s a selection bias that comes from polling that audience. They come for stuff that’s off the hook.

But Comedy Central tried to play me, you and anyone else watching with that shit. First, no non-black person offered any important societal discourse on the issue. A Jewish gentleman said that he always pays double his share on a dinner bill so no one assumes he’s a cheapskate. That’s pretty funny, but it doesn’t really touch on the issue. He simply expressed what it would be like to be a person in the sketch, but it didn’t really touch on what it was like watching the sketch.

For Comedy Central to touch on what concerned Dave, it would have to talk to some regular, run-of-the-mill white folks and ask them why they found the sketch to be humorous. After all, those are the people that worried Dave. Instead, they asked a bunch of black folks, just about all of whom commented on how we can’t worry about what white people think and how the show was funny and how you just need to be funny and stuff like that.

Y’okay.

Comedy Central can’t piss on my head and tell me it’s raining. The network tried to play it as though it was simply trying to encourage some discourse on a controversial topic. But what really was going on? An attempt to discredit Dave for leaving the show, an attempt to show that he was off in his assessment of the sketch. And it was done in a way that anyone with a quasi-decent ability to see through rhetoric could tell was bullshit.

Comedy Central really irks me here because there’s no need for them to run a PR offensive. Dave’s gone. He’s not coming back. It doesn’t really matter why he’s gone. He’s just gone. Why try to play him as though he’s unreasonable?

He had to right to leave the show and he did. He didnt’ feel comfortable with it. And since it’s not my place to say what he should be okay with, I say nothing more than that such a sketch wouldn’t bother me a bit. That’s also colored by the fact that I’ve reached the point where I almost am totally unconcerned with the opinions of white people. It makes me uncomfortable when they’re overly concerned with mine, so I don’t worry too much about theirs.

(The worst anyone can think is that I’m just like the rest of the niggaz, which is the truth. Different from ‘em, too, but we’re all different. Just not sweatin that too hard, so long as I’m just being me.)

But to keep running a PR campaign this long after Dave left is positively absurd.

And for Charlie and Donnell to sit there passing the mic around like Phil Donahue and Oprah? Shameful. Absolutely shameful. As artists, they know Dave’s got the right to mold his own vision and decide how he wants to be received. For them to be complicit in this, to question Dave’s motives even though they would have done the same thing in an analogous situation is selling out. Period.

At root, this issue is between Dave and Dave. It has nothing to do with any of the rest of us. They should have a certain respect for that. And if they don’t, the need to take it to the back and say nothing about it in that setting.

Also, please remember that I don’t say this as a media outsider. I write about sports on what might be the biggest sports outlet on Earth. I also like to write about race and spend a great deal of time thinking about it. I have to make decisions all the time about what angle to take when I write about race because I have to be entertaining, interesting, informative, and clear. I am loyal to my thesis and little else when I write.

I offend black people all the time when I’m critical of black people. I had black folks from all corners hit me up when I wrote about Vince Young’s Wonderlic because I wasn’t representing him in the proper light in my piece. It seems that by criticizing his choice of an inexperienced–and, conincidentally, black–agent I was reinforcing notions of black inferiority. The humor in that case, of course, is that the same racism they fear is the one that forces them to look at every black person as a representative the rest of us.

I say that to say this–I understand what Dave was worried about. He felt that the ideas he wanted to convey were not being received in the way he wanted. He sees his work as being subconsciously intellectual, but he felt like it was being taken as a joke on black people. It wasn’t just that people missed the point. It was that he feared people would never get the point. So he walked away.

I respect that.

I’m not quite at that point. People miss the point of my work all the time, so I’ve come to expect it. I just make my thesis as clear as possible. Since the logic I write with doesn’t allow for as much personal interpretation as comedy, I don’t have to deal with what Dave’s dealing with. Lucky for me, shit.

But the long of the short–this wasn’t the network’s call and this wasn’t Murphy and Rawlings’ places to be. CC needs to run the shows and shut the fuck up. Let Dave have his stand, especially since it’s too late for anyone to take it from him.