August 25, 2006

25 Idioms for a Beat Down

I’ve been planning to do this one for months now. Finally, it’ll happen. That’s right–25 ways to refer to beating someone up. Add your own in the comments.

I’ll whoop your ass. It’s classic, if nothing else. Everyone knows just what you’re talking about when you say this.

I’ll beat you like you stole something. Also an oldie but goodie. Have you ever gotten your hands on someone that stole from you? I have. It’s a real beatdown that follows that.

I’ll give you the work. “The work” is a versatile term, probably deserving of its own list. But in this instance, it means you handled somebody for real. For example, Fred gave Ness the work on “Making the Band.”

‘I’ll stomp a mudhole in you. I’ve always understood the hole part. But a mudhole? Never got that. But if I say that, you’ll get it. Dig?

I’ll bust yo head to the white meat. For some reason, we’re satisfied getting to the white meat. Ever notice that? Either way, this is indicative of a serious beating.

I’ll knock the black/white/brown/yellow off you. That’s right…I’ll make you raceless with these hands.

I’ll beat the brakes off you. Didn’t hear this one until I got to Atlanta. I’m so glad I did.

I’ll make you read these Nikes. Props to Willie D. from the Geto Boys. If you don’t get it, just think about it.

I’ll give you a $3 haircut. Courtesy of my brother. In other words, I’ll fuck your head up.

I’ll knock some sense in you. But I’ll do so by knocking sense out of you. What a concept!

I’ll shake the sense out ya. Guess the decision of which of these last two to use depends on how much sense the victim is starting with.

I’ll light yo ass up. Another oldie but goodie. Not used nearly enough. Very versatile.

I’ll beat you like a rented mule. Which is way worse than being treated like a rental car.

I will knock the dog shit out of you. Why dog? Who knows? But most interesting is how we can knock things out of you and into you while meaning the same thing.

I’ll beat you til you say Uncle. Never understood this one, to be honest.

I’ll give you a knuckle sandwich. Another oldie but goodie.

I’ll break my foot off in yo ass. Shouts to John Amos.

I’ll mop up the floor with you. Shouts to Trick Daddy Dollars.

I’ll cave your chest in. With the corollary…

I’ll punch you so hard in the chest your shoulders’ll touch..

I’ll smack the taste out ya mouth. That’s a serious smackin’.

I’ll beat you like I’m your daddy. This is probably the most demeaning thing you can say to someone.

I’ll leave you touched. This works better when the beatdown is outsourced, but it still works.

I’ll run up the score on you. As I ran low on idioms, I decided to make one up.

I’ll whoop yo ass. Worth stating twice.

International Baba Day is tomorrow. Party tonight at the estate if you’re in Durham. Let the folk know if you wanna come enjoy some of this good potluck around 7:30. Afterparty starts around 11:30 and leads into midnight madness.

22 Comments »

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  1. My personal favorite is “I’ll beat you like a runaway slave”. Now if somebody’s serious when they say it, just know that you are about to get a beatdown that will have you saying your name is Toby at the end! I also love the beating somebody like they stole something one. Definitely a classic. Knocking the black/brown/yellow off of you, smacking the taste outta your mouth and lighting yo’ ass up are even more frightening coming from the original source-black mothers. Even if they didn’t make it up, they made it their own. Hearing one of these lines would be enough for me to stop whatever whining/crying or other bad behavior I was doing.

    Comment by Tiff — August 25, 2006 #

  2. Haha… real talk. Two more for thought:

    I’ll beat you like a red-headed stepchild.

    I’ll beat you like your mother should have.

    Comment by Rev — August 25, 2006 #

  3. Run up the score is a good one, it’ll come in handy during fantasy football. Here’s my brief addendum,

    I will slap fire from yo’ ass. - A remix to “I’ll beat the hell out yo’ ass.”

    Say goodbye to your fronts. - All but eliminates another classic, “Kiss yo’ ass goodbye.”

    I will slap you silly. - If you’ve ever seen a goofy person, imagined if someone beat them that way. Frightening.

    Comment by Mr Carter — August 25, 2006 #

  4. Variation on the John Amos is “Don’t make me put my foot UP in your ass.”

    I know I heard it before DeNiro so here’s to “I will take you down to Chinatown.”

    My dad didn’t have any catch phrases, understood implications go a hell of a long way.

    Addendum: What were your folks like in this modern day (I’m 25, brother is 22) in regards to ass whoopins? I know we aren’t getting the same as our folks did and wonder how we’ll feel about laying down some audible love on our kids’ asses. You know at the store or mall you’ve wanted to beat someone else’s kids as a general public service.

    evan

    Comment by Mr. Senor Evan — August 25, 2006 #

  5. I’m gon’ snatch a bone outta yo’ ass.

    My dad used to say that to me.

    Comment by Ben — August 25, 2006 #

  6. I’ll bust your shit - “shit” in this instance referring to all manner of body parts. Could be extended to personal possessions.
    I’ll wreck you - corollary: “catchin’ wreck”
    I’ll knock your block off - which is about as old as the “knuckle sandwich”, but still a goodie

    “I’ll beat you like a runaway slave.” - so bad, but yet so good

    Have a blast tonight, I.B.D. is exactly three weeks from my own b-day extravaganza (no fancy title). What you know about the big 3-5?

    Comment by Stephanie — August 25, 2006 #

  7. I’ll knock the stank off of you.

    I’m gonna crack you in your forehead.

    Comment by zstephaniez — August 25, 2006 #

  8. The “Mudhole” thing always reminds me of Stone Cold Steve Austin. That, in turn, reminds me of “Beat you like a government mule” from Jim Ross.

    Comment by Kirk — August 25, 2006 #

  9. In his blog Bomani said that he was unsure of where the idiom “I’ll beat you til you say uncle” came from. Often times on plantations younger blacks often referred to their elders who were not related to them as their aunts and their uncles. The reason for doing so was because most had been displaced from most if not all of their families so it gave them a sense of family and togetherness. My guess on the idiom would be that it is basically the precursor to “Who’s your daddy?” with the master beating the slave until he called him uncle. While I don’t know for sure if that is the true meaning behind it, that would be my educated guess.

    Comment by Neil Bisman — August 25, 2006 #

  10. Wow. Good thinking there Neil. I guess we should be thankful you didn’t educate us on the mule comments, too?

    Comment by Kirk — August 25, 2006 #

  11. I’m partial to “I’mma twist your shit up” - don’t ask why. And no, I’ve never used it. But I’d like to. If that counts for anything.

    Which it doesn’t.

    Damn it.

    Comment by Shot Clock — August 25, 2006 #

  12. What about the can of whoop ass? That’s a very recent one I think.

    Comment by nappy40 — August 25, 2006 #

  13. Kirk I must say I laughed out loud on that comment, nicely done.

    Comment by Neil — August 25, 2006 #

  14. I was always partial to “chin checked.”

    I always laugh when I hear “I’ll beat the cowboy shit outta you!”

    and “I’ll tap you on your membrane” was popular with my folks back in the day.

    Comment by eauhellzgnaw — August 25, 2006 #

  15. “I’mma wind you up” Anyone heard that one?
    Also partial to “I’ll wear you out.” But I’m a Wu-head, so “smack fire” is always a fav.

    Comment by ChappedLarry — August 25, 2006 #

  16. I like the food references…

    “I’m gonna open a can o’ whoop ass on ya!”

    and

    “I’m gonna give ya a servin’ of slap stew!”

    Comment by Rex — August 26, 2006 #

  17. Bo, you have to give some love to the generic comment made by your pop/mom/uncle/gramp that made absolutely no sense at all because they were so fired up and ready to kick your ass. I have no idea what they were sayin, but I sure as hell never forget that.

    Comment by Denis — August 28, 2006 #

  18. I’ll tap your jaw… classic from Jeru

    Getting “chin checked” was always a good one…

    I’ll clean your clock or he got his clock cleaned.. Just getting clocked was a classic…

    Comment by Quibian 'Q' Salazar-Moreno — August 28, 2006 #

  19. there’s always the simple but effective “I will fuck you up.” What makes this a genius line is, the louder you say it, the better it sounds. Gotta give props to Full Force for that one. (House Party anyone?)

    Comment by dewfish — August 28, 2006 #

  20. how about,

    “I’m gonna have to open up a can of whoop-ass on ya.”

    Comment by Keith — August 29, 2006 #

  21. I have always been a fan of “‘I’ll stomp a mudhole in you.” It not too serious but it gets the point across.

    And let’s not forget “Giving someone a Menace II Society beatdown”. A reference to the whoppin’ that Kane served up on in the movie of the same name.

    Comment by C-Dogg — August 30, 2006 #

  22. Anyone heard ‘I’ll give you the mother of all beatings’ I like that one

    Comment by English_matty — July 29, 2007 #

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