April 27, 2007

I Really Love American Pie

I’m working on a piece I’ve been researching for about a month now.  That’s a shift from my normal world, which involves writing quick response columns.  There’s a bit of pressure in that, but it’s more than tolerable.  The best part about those is they allow me to actually figure out what I think about an issue.  Gotta get past the knee jerk responses and default prisms through which I view things and put my thoughts to the logical test.  For a quasi-nerd–okay, all the way nerd–like me, that’s what passes for entertainment.

The biggest thing about the researched stuff–in this case, research entailed going through Lexis-Nexis and reading article after article looking for stuff from the past–is that you’ve got to look at it all the time.  Reading your own stuff over and over, and not even in the revision phase, can drive you nuts.

So for some relief, it’s been a music day.  I’m waiting on a guy to call me back, so I turned on the track that gets me motivated–”American Pie” by Don McLean.

People that know me have heard me say this before, but I’ll share it with you–if this isn’t the greatest song made in this country, it’s at least in the top five.  Absolutely flawless.

And, in a lot of ways, it possess every quality I want every piece of work I produce to have.

1.  Intensity.  Of course, a lot of this comes from McLean’s vocals.  But the heart of this song is in its dramatically underrated rhythm section.  Once the bass comes in, it’s there to stay.  It’s clear and pulsating, but never distracting.  The drums keep the rhythm, but the occasional flourishes never take your ear away from the song itself.  It’s also the reason this is a pop classic rather than just a really good folk-rock song.  The rhythm drives so hard that you don’t get bored, something that often happens listening to folk anything.

The soul and passion in your work should always be clear, but it should never stop you from hearing the good sense you’ve got to offer.  If all you can do is scream, step your game up.

2.  A broad, intelligent scope.  “American Pie” is McLean’s love letter to rock music, a hodgepodge of references to ’50s and ’60s Americana and early rock history (decidedly white rock history, it should be noted).  The stuff’s coming in from all over the place, from Buddy Holly to sock hops to James Dean to Dylan to Lennon’s communist leanings to Woodstock.  Mix in some classically teenage moments and you’ve got magic.

The most amazing part here is how it all makes sense.  It’s a cohesive narrative made of spare parts, parts that had to be molded to match.

Everything in this world is connected in one way or another.  To me, a great writer is one that can see how and make sense of it without twisting the meaning of what (s)he’s seen.  A wide scope isn’t necessary, but it’s a great feat if you can use one without missing what’s important.

(Also, even though the song’s eight and a half minutes long, it’s surprisingly economical with words.)

3.  The acoustic guitar.  Okay, I don’t think I’ll ever use one of those when I write.  In “American Pie,” i’ve always felt like the guitar was the most important part.  Balances out the sound of the rhythm section while contributing to its effectiveness, but also provides something to stop the vocals from being drowned out by the bass and drums.  Gives the vocals something to dance over, something to make sure they get heard and, more important, understood and digested.  There’s not a line of filler in the song.  Everything matters, and everything must be heard.  It’s hard to pull off a lyric like that while bringing serious energy.  Crunk enough to keep you excited, chill enough that it gives you time to think, and catchy enough to make sure you remember what’s being said.  The guitar was perfect for pulling that off.  I don’t know what serves as the analogue for it in what I do, but I’d probably be much better at what I do if I could clearly identify something.

That’s today’s rambling thought.

April 23, 2007

25–Chappelle’s Show Sketches

Kirk just sent me an IM talking about a line he missed from a Chappelle’s Show sketch, which prompted me to think about what my favorite sketches were.  Seemed a perfect time to get the lists back going.

25.  The Wrap It Up Box.  I’m not even sure this sketch is so funny.  But when someone provides me something I can use in my everyday life, it’s worth something.  I can’t tell you how many places I’ve been where I wished I had that box.

24.  Piss on You.  The R. Kelly parody.  At times, it’s unnecessarily sophomoric.  However, you can’t tell me that you didn’t laugh quite a few times.  Which begs the question–have we reached the point where people have totally forgotten that R. Kelly’s got some serious ’splaining to do?  That said, “she be callin’ you Kelly when your name is Tommy” is so funny that I listen to “I’m a Flirt” just to make sure I hear that line.  Plus, on the radio, he ain’t wearing a pink mask.  The pink mask phase was totally unforgivable.

23.  The Three Daves.  This is the one where he went through how he’s handled situations differently as he’s gotten older.  I can just see myself telling my son “I’m broke, nigga, I’m broke!”  And then him telling my wife that I’m cussin’ in the house again.

22.  Nelson Mandela Boot Camp.   At the risk of sounding diasporically blasphemous, there’s something really funny about Mandela punching kids and smoking their dope.  In the jungle, the mighty jungle…

21.  Calvin Gets a Job at Wac Arnold’s.   Thank you, Dave, for mocking the preposterous notion that working at McDonald’s is a significant contribution to the ghetto.  Yeah, that’s uplifting.  It may stop a cat from sticking somebody up, but that’s doing as much for uplifting the poor as having a Diet Coke with your Big Mac is good for your health.

20.  World Series of Dice.  Two words–Leonard Washington.  Two more–Ashy Larry.

19.  The Niggar Family.  Actually, The Wetback Family made it.

18.  Law and Order.   This is the one where white collar criminals and blue collar criminals are treated inversely to how it goes in real life.  “There are so many amendmentssss…I can only choose oneeeee…FIIIIIF!!!”

17.  Wu-Tang Financial.   “You gotta diversify your bonds, nigga!”  The humor, of course, comes from the fact that those dudes surely do know how to manage your money.

16.  When Keepin it Real Goes Wrong.  All of ‘em.   The best, to me, was the one where the chick goes bonkers over someone playin’ on her phone.  What is it with people and folks playin’ on their phone that drives them over the edge?  I got cussed out by a 60 year old man when i was 13 for playin’ on his phone, and I swear, I just dialed a wrong number twice.

15.  Trading Spouses.  This time, we’re going interracial!  Another Leonard Washington classic.  But here’s my question–did anyone see on the real “Trading Spouses” when they put the infamous God Warrior–of whatever she calls herself–with some militant dude in Tampa?  I missed the second part of the episode, but the first part was the greatest piece of unintentional comedy I’d ever witnessed.  Please tell me if you’ve seen it, or if you know when it’s coming back on.

14.  Sam Jackson Beer.  I’m not a huge Sam Jackson fan.  Very good actor, but his choice of role kinda bothers me at times.  Dave played on that one flawlessly.  “It’ll get you drunk!  You’ll be fuckin’ fat girls in no time!”  Ahhh, gotta love alcohol.  Or not.
13.  Come on Be My Baby Tonight.  When Dave broke that dude form “The Real World” out and had him sing that silly song as the musical number.  Why’s this funny?  Nothing like when someone doesn’t realize he’s the joke.  He sang his heart out, too.

12.  Charlie Murphy Hollywood Stories–Prince.  The premise of Prince playing ball is funny enough.  “Shoot the J.  Shoot it!” is amazing.  Pancakes?  Well, that couldn’t be invented.

11.  Popcopy.  First, it was a perfect use of the tragically limited Michael Rappaport.  Second, it brought Scarface back out.  Third, that’s really what it’s like to go to a copy place.  Also, I’ve pretended to be the manager at a job.  It’s the best way to get a manager to leave you alone.

11/10.  Tyrone Biggums.  I just put the main Biggums sketches together, largely because I accidentally made a list of 24 instead of 25 and forgot about “Fear Factor.”  Him on “Fear Factor” was pretty good, but nothing beat him talking to a room full of students.  Crack addiction ain’t funny, but it can be hard not to laugh at Tyrone.  “That children is the first time I…”  Oh man, funny.  And the demand for cash reminds me of hte time my daddy messed up and paid the cable man some cash to clean out our gutters.  Dude was out without us knowing.  Shoulda known things were bed when he was begging me for a cigarette five minutes after he got to the house, even though he passed about 5 stores on the way in.

9.  Wayne Brady.  The shock value of this was enough, but the stuff that happened was perfectly scripted.  It also showed just how talented Wayne Brady is, even if you don’t like what he does.

8.  Ask a Black Dude.   I’m not the biggest Paul Mooney fan.  But when you watch the outtakes and realize that, in spite of how serious he sounds on these clips, he’s fighting laughter the whole time, the clips take on a totally different level of humor.  Note–this clip should not be so high, but I was running lower than I realized, and I needed to plug something in.  Oops.  You get what you pay for.

7.  Blank.  Yeah, I can’t count.  Too busy to fix it.  Think of this like the center square on a bingo card.
6.   Reparations 2003.  If you haven’t seen it, I can’t help you.  Some think it was embarrassing.  I think it was genius.  Totally absurd, but I’m okay with that.  Goodness, man.  This is “Coming to America” funny.
5.  Racial Draft.  Absolute genius.  From black folks trying to give Condoleezza Rice and O.J. away to the Elian Gonzalez bit, this is a fantastic example of subversive racial commentary.

4.  Clayton Bigsby, the Black White Supremacist.   The beauty of this is how it points out the absurdity of white supremacy.  Some folks don’t like it when you talk about white supremacy because the true definition doesn’t adhere to the inflammatory connotation the term has in common parlance, but I can so easily see how someone could not know he was black and still hate black people.  Hell, people know they’re black and hate black people all the time.  Sketches like this are why I say unequivocally believe Dave’s a genius.

3.  Rick James.   This is Dave’s defining moment, and it’s classic.  The thing I love about this is that, while Rick James’ character is totally absurd, Dave’s portrayal of him is perfectly reserved.  It’s a caricature, but not quite.  It’s hard to explain what I’m saying, but a great impression comes from subtlety.  To me, the little things are what makes this so good.

2.  Black Bush.   M-A-R-S…

1.  Player Haters Ball.   First, let it be known I think “Pimps Up, Ho’z Down” is a fantastic documentary.  Absolutely fascinating in the same way a great documentary on the Third Reich is fascinating–terrible stuff, but very well done.  But this?  Man, why hadn’t I heard some of these lines when I was in high school?  I would have been the king of rankin’ on fools.  “What can I say about your suit that hasn’t been said about Afghanistan?  It looks bombed out and depleted.”  Genius.  And Ice-T coming with “next nigga say something when I’m talkin’s gettin shot, please beleedat.”

In fact, I think I’ll watch that one now.

April 20, 2007

What’s the Big Deal?

Business…here’s why I could care less that a couple of guys in the draft said they got high before.  What a coincidence that this story broke right before 4.20.  Someone has a sense of humor, apparently.

Back on the grind I go.  Might can post later.

BTW, I’m trying to post more.  I’ve been doing a million things at once lately, but I miss blogging.  Always a highlight of my day.

April 20, 2007

Remembering the Va. Tech Victims

I watched “Bowling for Columbine” for the first time last night.  No way in the world that should have won an Oscar.  It was interesting, but unquestionably slanted in a way I don’t think documentaries should be, even if the documentary falls in line with my politics (simply put, I hate guns).

That said, it raised some very good points.  Most notable among them was the unfortunate tendency of the media to accentuate the violent and negative aspects of society, something that contributes to the building racism and xenophobia in this country.

After watching that flick, it was fitting that I caught my man Bruce Feldman’s Insider blog, where he mentioned that we’d be better served to try to use the Virginia Tech massacre as a time to look at the good people are doing.  At this point, it’s far more constructive to do that rather than to attempt to understand the insanity of the gunman, especially since it’s nearly impossible to make sense of insanity.  That’s like trying to turn lead to gold.

He linked this page that profiled the victims of the shooting.  Instead of thinking of them as bit players to the tragedy, we should take some time to bring them to the forefront.  It’s a shame those people were lost, but the world was a better place for having a lot of them, even if just for a short time.

April 19, 2007

Calm Down, People

Business…respect the NFL’s gangsta.

Police–calm down.

Dude–calm down.

Now, a funny.  A couple of teenagers stopped by my door to get “votes” for some leadership contest they were in.  They said they had to show they were able to present themselves respectfully and professionally to get the votes.  I was down to help them out.

Until they told me they needed me to buy some books.  Lil’ suckers sandbagged me.  They ain’t want votes.  They wanted paper.

Anyway, I told them I was a strapped for cash, so I couldn’t help them out.  They gon’ learn not to come in the middle of the month.

Their reply?

“We don’t need cash.  Coins will work.”  Dude said this while he did a swiping motion with his hand.

Nice try, pimpin.

April 18, 2007

Voting Sucks

I’m not much of an American Idol fan, but I tuned in last night.  Of course, the night I tune in would be country night, but I’m not violently opposed to country music.  I still wish I’d written Garth Brooks’ “The Dance.”

Anyway, I got to see this Sanjaya character for the first time.  Seriously, it was an evil trick the country played, keeping that poor boy on TV for so long.  He was really, really bad.  I give him credit for taking it all in stride, but he was wiggy-wack.  Yikes, man.  I wanna know how he got on in the first place.  I need to get on American Idol.  Shoot, I would have done better using Bubba Sparxxx’s “Back In The Mud” as a country night selection than that dude singing “Something To Talk About.”

Anyway, my girlfriend told me that people have been voting for him out of spite.  Just to harangue the whole voting process.  Sounded like fun to me, so I sent in a text for the dude.

And they put the dude off.  See, this is why I people feel like voting is just a waste of gas.

Apathy now consumes me.

April 17, 2007

As I Watch Oprah

Business…here’s a quick look at Joey Crawford’s pre-Tim Duncan transgressions.

I missed most of yesterday’s Oprah because it was interrupted by coverage of the tragedy at Virginia Tech.  I saw a good bit.  Saw my man Whitlock and Sharpton go back and forth, and heard a few pretty interesting points being made on both sides.

Today, it’s “hip hop’s” turn to respond.  Kevin Liles, Russell Simmons, Common and Ben Chavis are on stage while Whitlock and others sit in the crowd.

My problem with today’s show is with Russell Simmons’ insistence upon referring to rappers today as “poets.”  By calling them “poets,” Russell positions the music that’s out as art, and art shouldn’t be censored.  Artists have license to be loud and offensive because they’re simply expressing themselves, offering the world a perspective on something they don’t see and providing personal emotional resonance that news stories and interviews provide.  Artists tap into their souls and let loose ideas they often can’t say, enhancing their ability to communicate through whatever vehicle they choose.

I ain’t heard much of that on the radio in a long, long time.

(There will be some generalizations used in this post.  Not all rap music is one way or another.  So save the “what about Kanye West?” comments because I’m accounting for some of those dudes.  That said, be honest with yourself about the median record and what it sounds like.)

Let’s be real–the hustle is more deeply connected to rap than any other musical genre.  Rap was the first musical genre to describe poverty in stark detail and paint a startlingly clear portrait of what it can drive people to do.  Soon after, much of the description moved toward what was done to get out of poverty.  Often that meant dealing dope.  Often that meant rapping.  Often that meant dealing dope in order to make the money needed to get the rapping off the ground.

But the hustle has always been at the forefront.

The problem with so much hip hop now is that the hustle isn’t even masked.  It’s right up front for all to see, even when it isn’t described.  When I turn on the radio and listen to hip hop, I’m not hearing much that’s particularly inventive or expressive anymore.  I’m hearing a lot of formulaic stuff.

That ain’t quite artistic.

The reality is that people like hearing about dealing dope, pimpin’ hoes and clubbin’ all night.  That’s what it is.  I’ve listened to a lot of it, and I bought a lot of it before I started getting albums for free.  Sure didn’t hurt that the beats were fire.  So don’t mistake this for a statement from the moral high ground.

But game recognize game, and these cats look awfully familiar.  Don’t try to tell me these dudes are just expressing themselves.  If they are, they aren’t doing such a great job.  The stories about poverty sound awfully repetitive these days.  Either these dudes all feel the exact same way, or they’re following a template.  If they’re following a template, it ain’t exactly art anymore.  It’s commerce.  It’s a hustle.

So please, Russell, and everyone else, don’t use artistic license as a defense.  That time in hip hop is over.

The problem, as things stand presently, is that mainstream hip hop has become a monolith.  The themes are repetitive.  The slang has even become normalized to the point where accents are one of the few remaining indicators that cats are from different places.  It doesn’t have that individuality anymore.  It sounds like it’s coming off a conveyor belt.

I have problems with what’s played on the radio now because I don’t think some themes are meant for mainstream consumption.  Yeah, it’s cool to censor “bitch” off records, but it’s not cool to talk about strip clubs and dealing crack at 10 in the morning.  That just ain’t the time and place for such discussion.  You can tell me that NWA was talking about those sorts of things in ‘89, and I’ll tell you that NWA didn’t get radio play.  That’s where my issue is.

I won’t knock cats if they want to talk about dealing dope.  That’s their right.  I’ll knock the people that have flooded me with images of dudes dealing dope.  It’s boring, and I’m insulted by the idea that that’s all people want to hear from rappers.

What the game lacks now is diversity.

I still love this music.  I grew up with it, and I learned a lot from it.  But I don’t like it very much right now.  It hasn’t grown up with me.  In fact, in terms of maturity, it’s regressed.

So if Russell Simmons and anyone else wants to defend rap on an artistic platform, then bring the art back.  Show different angles of the struggle.  Show me ways people overcome poverty besides selling dope.  Give me something to think about.  Make me feel something.  Make me want to do something.

Other than turn to the old folks station, that is.

April 13, 2007

ESPNEWS Today

SSP…I’ll be on the Hot List on ESPNEWS around 3:10 ET.  Tune in and listen to me talk about the maddening week of race and sports, which actually didn’t have that much to do with sports.  Funny like that sometimes.

April 12, 2007

Ouchhhhhh

Check this out.  Graphic photos.  But get to the end.  It’ll make you really glad, if you’ve got a job that allows you work inside.  In fact, it’ll make you glad you’ve got a job working outside, so long as you’re not working with crocodiles.

April 12, 2007

Today’s Discussion of Race in America

Business…here’s a look at B.J. and Justin Upton.

Here’s a funny from the chat session…I was accused by chatters, black and white, of showing favoritism to black people because I primarily write about black athletes.  Could someone explain to me what else I’m supposed to do when I primarily write about football and basketball?  Seriously, could someone enlighten me on that?

In the last few days, I’ve gotten more e-mails that presume my position on a range of issues purely because I’m black.  Since I’m black, I must just side with black people on everything.  I must look for every opportunity to slam white people.  You know, because I’m black.

Wanna know the most frustrating thing about racism for any black person?  That it’s stripped us of our humanity.

Not just in the obvious ways.  To be human is to be unique, to be individual.  To be black, however, is to be a part of a presumed monolith.  Your views are always totally dictated by your race and allegiance toward Negritude, even though black people frequently complain about how black people don’t stick together nearly enough.

My take is the same as Scoop’s and Jemele’s and LZ’s, according to so many readers.  We all just look for a reason to jump on a topic involving race.  That’s what we do.

Because it’s not just me, or her, or him.  It’s we.

We’re asked our opinions on anything another of us says, especially about race, though my colleagues aren’t asked to answer for us or each other in the same way.

I only write about black people because of some favoritism, even though there’s no reason to say that unless you have some presumption about what black people do.  You know, because we’re all doing the same thing.

The word is that we only talk about race.  Check this archive page and tell me where you see that.  More importantly, show me where, in the stories where race is the major issue, how the story could have been done without discussing race.

By my count, that was only about four of the first page.  Maybe that’s less than my white counterparts, but there are a few theories on what that might mean.

My voice is mine.  It is no one else’s.  I don’t represent black people.  I represent the view of a black man, one influenced by the experiences that come from that, but one that’s individual within that blackness.  I’m concerned with race because it’s at the center of this society, but I ain’t doing nothing because of what anyone else wants or some sort of allegiance.  I’ve got a brain, and it’s not conjoined with any other.
In other words, I offer a voice full of humanity.  Whether anyone sees it that way or not.  And that ain’t about to change.