October 24, 2008

I’m Susan Smith, and I approve of this message

Did you read about her? She was lying.

I’d like to know how much pursuing the cops actually did on this one, because this was so obviously a hoax from the get green. The dude that would get so mad at a bumper sticker that he’d beat a woman down in the street in the name of Obama and the dude that’s sticking you up at the ATM are not the same dude. (Please note that I’m saying “dude” because I’m making an effort not to use that other word on the site. Call me if you really wanna hear how that sentence sounds.) This moron just combined every stereotype of black people she could into one package. It’s like she said she jacked by every incarnation of Ice Cube, all at the same time.

“He had a jheri curl, a flannel, was hanging with a guy that smelled like reefer, and was driving a minivan taking his kids across the country. But he was big and he had a gun.”

(Wire fans — she called BNBG.)

This here lady could have told her this wouldn’t work. But that there lady could have told her that you can just vaguely describe some black man, and the cops will be on it. In the Susan Smith case, they were out there looking for “a black man.” If i recall, that was all there was to work with, and the cops were really beating the streets looking for “a black man.” Thank goodness they didn’t make it across the tracks by the time the woman confessed.

So I sincerely hope the police did not investigate this woman’s claims too thoroughly. I’d like to think they’ve got more game than that. I certainly do.

October 19, 2008

Here’s the thing about creativity…

…it’ll make you famous. Or infamous.

Sometimes, you just need to stick with what’s tried and true. There’s nothing newsworthy about the ordinary.

October 19, 2008

Know who I’m rooting for in the election?

November 4. As in, hurry up, get here, do what you do, then get gone. Faster. Stronger. More. Now. Just hurry up.

There is nothing left to talk about. Let’s just be done with this, please. Thank you very much.

October 15, 2008

Call me a cynic…

…but am I the only person that doesn’t think it’s possible for a 72 year-old man — or the 47 year-old man next to him, really — to be writing so fast with a friggin Sharpie and actually produce something legible. Either give these dudes ball point pens or let’s get rid of the legal pad charade, OK?

October 10, 2008

Is that pork goodness I see flying through the sky?

I believe it is.

October 10, 2008

I’m not posting this for the reason you think

Check this out. Read it if you want. That’s kinda immaterial to my point right now.

This is all I’m saying — if I were married to the President, people that take gawd-awful pictures like that of me and the editors that pick them to run in publications would get the guillotine (really horrible joke to be told here that I hope you’ll leave alone…and don’t even worry about it if you don’t get it). That’s a really, really bad shot. And they say Huffington is slanted to favor the left!

October 7, 2008

A look back at elections past

I won’t give much commentary, other than to say no one has the right to tell you what you can or can’t laugh at in the comfort of your own home.

Also, the array of videos that pops up after that first one is done will keep you laughing for about 45 minutes. I recommend the Beyonce.