April 28, 2009

Bea Arthur’s Death Leaves Men Confused

Bea Arthur died the other day. Funny, funny lady. Til the other side.

Here’s what I’ve found funny…the way men have been asking to make sure it was okay to say you were bummed out that Bea died. Of course. It’s life, man.

What they were trying to figure out was whether it was okay to admit an affection for The Golden Girls. And, duh, the answer is yes.

It’s not just because The Golden Girls was really funny. It certainly was. It’s because all dudes my age got on The Golden Girls the same way — because we had no say-so over the television.

Golden Girls came on Saturday night. On Saturday night, until you hit high school, your social life is entirely dependent upon what your mama wants to watch. And based on the ratings, she wanted to watch The Golden Girls. So you watched. And you laughed.

I’ve talked to multiple people that discussed being in rooms with dudes when The Golden Girls came up in conversation. There would be an awkward silence until someone admitted an affection. From there, everyone would let loose.

And why? Cuz our mamas were all just about the same, watching TV and hoping they were still getting laid once they got gray. We just happened to watch…and see old ladies that were getting laid long after they were gray.

Yuck.

But it was funny.

So fellas, it’s OK. Be sad. Talk about The Golden Girls. And, if need be, you can always say it’s not your fault. Your mama wanted to watch, right?

See, just that simple.

April 27, 2009

Tweeting in the name of narcissism

I tweet. In fact, I tweet a lot. I don’t really tweet anymore than I updated my Facebook status — which is tied to my Twitter account — but I do tweet a lot. Several times a day.

The reason? Because I sincerely think people like to read them.

Could I be wrong? Possibly, though I keep getting followers. Most of them are folks in Kentucky hoping I’ll know first where John Wall is going to school, however. They probably could care less what I listen to while I get ready in the morning.

But I tell them anyway.

My buddy Gregg Doyel ripped the whole Twitter phenomenon. I can’t deny that he’s onto something. Hearing Lance Armstrong blandly state the mundane portions of his day doesn’t do the job for me.

Then again, neither do most people’s tweets. It takes a special dude to assume that people care about the little things in his life, all while being almost totally unconcerned with the same details from others. I guess I’m that guy.

No, I am that guy. I have no idea what that says about me. I just know I think people actually give a damn about the random thoughts I have at a hockey game. Yeah, I do have some nerve…but you knew that already.

It’s really not that I’m that into me (though some of you, including every single ex-girlfriend I’ve ever had would say I’m totally enamored with me). I just think a lot of other people are. I wouldn’t be, but I think you are. Maybe not you, but maybe you. And you over there? Thanks for following!

Twitter’s kinda brought this bizarre juxtaposition to my attention. Most people I know that tweet often are doing so in the name of self-promotion. My writer friends tweet to build visibility. My non-professional friends? They tweet incredibly rarely…probably because they know nobody cares what they’re doing at the store.

Me and my colleagues, however? We presume you care.

But do you care? I ask that sincerely. I really don’t tweet stuff unless I think I’m offering something clever or interesting, or an opportunity for my listeners and readers to get to know in a non-sports context. I assume some people want to do that, which is either a prescient observation or self-indulgent bullshit. I’m not sure, though “self-indulgent bullshit” is always a safe guess when the discussion involves me.

There are consultants out there that tell writers that fans and readers want this connection. I think that’s true. But is it?

Lemme know what you think.

April 12, 2009

The Beauty of the Vocal Media

First, Happy Easter, for those of you who are into such things. Moving on, I guess I’m a radio host now. I’ve never been keen on defining myself by my current job, but that’s what I am now. I still see myself as an economist and a writer, but that’s not really what I do now. I’m a radio guy. Whatever that means.

Well, one thing it means is having the opportunity to make a remarkably human point very quickly and moving on without belaboring it. In the vocal medium, it’s much easier to hit a point succinctly with color and insight. You’ve got your tone on your side, and that rarely requires explanation. The folks just hear it. Then the words. And then, it can be over. That’s not a luxury you really have on the page, unless you’re just an absolute stone cold beast, an Ice Cube or Nas when it comes to word economy.

OK, to my point…check out this transcription of Vin Scully on the death of Nick Adenhart.

If I may speak for every member of the Dodger organization, our heartfelt and deepest sympathies to the mother and family of Nick Adenhart, and to every member in the Angels organization, for the untimely accident and death of young Nick last night at the tender age of twenty-two. Nick, from Maryland, had pitched six scoreless innings and was in a car with three friends, and a driver apparently went through a red light and T-boned the car, killing three of the four, including Nick, and one other member is in critical condition. And if there is one thing I’ve learned in all my years — and I haven’t learned much — but the one thing I’ve learned: Don’t even waste your time trying to figure out life.

Ground ball through for Andre Ethier, and life continues for those who still have it. And with a leadoff single, Russell Martin will be coming up.

But I would say, it wouldn’t be a bad idea to take a moment and say a prayer in memory for Nick, especially for his parents. What a shock to lose a twenty-two-year-old.

Andre Ethier at first base, Russell Martin the batter, James Loney on deck, and the Dodgers try to strike in the second inning against Kevin Correia.

Only someone in a vocal medium could do that (and maybe only Vin Scully, actually). Capturing the moment so well, so quickly, so thoroughly, all with an eye to real life as it goes on…wow. That right there is the kind of stuff I wanna say when I grow up.

April 2, 2009

Does disagreeing with Obama make you racist?

I sure hope not. If that’s the case, I’d be in big big big trouble.

Anyway, that’s Angie Harmon’s concern. Check this one form foxnews.com.

“Here’s my problem with this, I’m just going to come out and say it. If I have anything to say against Obama it’s not because I’m a racist, it’s because I don’t like what he’s doing as President and anybody should be able to feel that way, but what I find now is that if you say anything against him you’re called a racist,” Harmon told Tarts at Thursday’s Los Angeles launch of the new eyelash-growing formula, Latisse. “But it has nothing to do with it, I don’t care what color he is. I’m just not crazy about what he’s doing and I heard all about this, and he’s gonna do that and change and change, so okay … I’m still dressing for a recession over here buddy and we’ve got unemployment at an all-time high and that was his number one thing and that’s the thing I really don’t appreciate. If I’m going to disagree with my President, that doesn’t make me a racist. If I was to disagree with W, that doesn’t make me racist. It has nothing to do with it, it is ridiculous.”

Absolutely true. Disagreeing with a black man doesn’t make you racist. That said, I’d love to know what they asked her to take her to that point. Because, right now, that sounds like a hit dog hollerin’ more than it does anything else.

Not once have I heard someone criticize and assumed that person was racist. Now, if your criticisms of Obama fall in line with some other kinda sorta racist nonsense, then I got a bunch of other questions to ask. Like, yanno, if you’re a racist or not.

That’s the thing — if people who know you think you might be a racist for criticizing the President, it’s not because you criticized the President. It’s probably the other stuff you said.