After swigging that Quil–which did the JOB last night–I got to thinking about liquor. I don’t drink nearly as much as I did in college because, quite honestly, I’m not in college. There’s no skipping work to get drunk like there might have occasionally been for class.
(One of the beauties of going to college on scholarship is saying things like this about your collegiate experience without being told that you wasted your parents’ money with such behavior. Viva faux-independence!)
But I got to thinking of those days and some of the things I learned in bartending school. When we’d drink in college, the Seuss would always take a sip of the first one and say “it’s good, but it ain’t quite nasty enough.” If it wasn’t nasty, it wasn’t right. My God, I’m so glad I grew up.
Got past that when I started putting price floors on my liquor purchases. Case in point–if I can get this whiskey for less than $20 a fifth regular price, I think I need to leave that shit alone.
That led to drinking things that actually, yanno, tasted good. And then learning to mix drinks, it became possible for me to understand how people think liquor tastes good. A lot of that stuff is just absolutely nasty, but there is some good stuff. For that reason, I’m going to order the non-licquers from least tasty to most.
N/A Irish Whisky. I’ve never been curious about it, to be honest. I’m black and Southern. Crown and Jack will suffice.
Scotch. I just can’t make the scotch work. I’ve tried, but it just hasn’t worked for me. Makes me wanna smack my tongue on the roof of my mouth.
Gin. Gin’s nasty. It doesn’t taste remotely like anything. You can’t say it’s sweet or sour or anything else. It just tastes like gin. The drinks you mix with gin don’t make good tasting drinks. It just makes the gin less nasty, allowing people to get ready to fight. Seriously, anyone you roll with that religiously drinks gin–save for one gentleman I know in California–will get you in trouble. You can’t afford gin if you ain’t got some bail money.
(It should be noted that Bombay Sapphire is excluded from this entire discussion. It does good work. But that Bumpy Face? Pssssh.)
Brandy. By definition, brandy is cheap. If it’s good brandy, it’s called cognac. If it’s not, it’s called Erk and Jerk. Or the Easy Jesus. Or a really bad headache.
Rum. While I’m all down for stuff tasting good, rum’s just too sweet. I do like to feel like a man when I’m drinking, and rum makes me feel like an extra in a Sean Paul video.
Vodka. This is the trickiest one of the bunch. At it’s best, vodka doesn’t taste like anything. Just enough kick to let you feel like you’re drinking, which is something people like to be reminded of sometimes. But at it’s worst–or Absolut–it’s used best as a germ killer. Try it on your face after a close shave.
Bourbon. Yeah, it’s a bit sour, but it mixes well with colas and ginger ales, which is a really good thing. Another one that just makes you feel like you’re drinking. It’s also cool because it’s one of the liquors that will allow you to say “hmmm, I can taste what they man about why it’s important to use good barrels.”
Whisky. Yeah, I’m only talking about that good Purple Sack. If you don’t know, you don’t.
Tequila. It’ll light you ablaze, but goodness you can’t say it doesn’t have a distinct flavor. I can’t describe it. If you don’t like it, I understand. But if you do…well, there’s a chance you get a kick out of licking salt off drunk girls’ stomachs. Notice I said you–yes, you–and not me on that last one.
Cognac. The nectar of the Gods. Kirk was so kind as to buy me a bottle of Remy XO for my housewarming. I still have some left because I don’t want to say it’s all gone. It’s smooth, it’s distinct, it’s rich, it’s warm, and it’s screams out “cool.” When I bartended, in fact, a dude used to come up and order Crown in a brandy sniifter. He wanted to have his ordinary cat–though a good ordinary cat–drink, but all the cool of Cognac. Oh yeah, this is what’s hot out here in these streets.
22 thoughts on “Legitimately Good Tasting Liquor”
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Cognac is fuckin’ nasty.
I won’t even argue.
Jesus, you still have that stuff?
re: Sapphire
That has been my evil of choice for quite a while. Don’t let anyone tell you that carrying around your own 750 for a party is a bad idea.
You’ve been blaming that homecoming ’00 debacle on Glenmore for 7 years. You just didn’t respect Mr. Glenmore. Plus, as an economist, I’d think you would appreciate the $20 gallon of Vodka. However, as a person with a functioning liver I can see how you wouldn’t.
Sadly, the bottle was only $10.
on the other end of the spectrum:
http://www.bumwine.com/
Hahahaha, evan.
I made a minor name for myself by wearing cargo shorts, sticking a 750 of Sapphire in one pocket and two bottles of tonic in the other and mixing drinks throughout the night – mostly for myself.
By 2 am, I was pretty much drinking straight from the bottle and getting active. Like seeing random people grin at you all afternoon the next day active.
You just have to make it to scotch #4 to understand.
I’ve said for a long time that one of the biggest changes from college to the real world is the quality of booze. Once you’ve got a steady income(no matter the size) that $5-8/bottle difference doesn’t seem to matter anymore.
That being said, small batch bourbon needs to be right up there with cognac. When done well it’s got just enough burn to let you know you’re drinking good, but enough intricacies to remind you that it’s an artisan’s craft you’re drinking. Hit up 1792(named for the year Kentucky became a commonwealth)–the price hovers around that $20 mark, but it tastes like a $35-40/bottle bourbon.
Also, if you haven’t done it, hold that snifter of cognac over a candle for a few–a whole new set of flavors opens up.
Awww..that good ol cognac and that purple sacks…always welcomed in the Batiste household and all family functions..
that yac and that purple are like menu items for us.
I even have a Crown Royal t-shirt that I proudly wear to show my allegiance to the purple sack.
Shid..y’all wanna make me get a bottle of the Courvoisier and sit back and watch some footba…wait a minute! That’s what I might do Saturday. Go Jags!!!!
My girlfriend says I drink like an old man: I love whiskey.
Here is a scotch drink that I picked up in Southeast Asia: Get a highball, fill it with ice, pour about a shot and a half of Johnnie Walker Green Label, fill the rest with soda water (not coke or tonic). I murdered many a bottle using this method. Thai folk drink this religiously. There were a couple of meals in which we killed 2 liters of JW Green Label.
Another good scotch (expensive though) is Lagavulin. For a nice bourbon, try Woodford’s Reserve.
Indeed that purple sack whiskey is a whole new ballgame.
Gimme some grand mon and O.J. and thus, a smile is produced.
Convince your ladyfriends to drink Sapphire. It’s like champagne but in the long run is cheaper.
You will thank me.
i damn near agree, except for the tequila. high end tequila makes good 4 sippin. to hell with shots, that too is so joe college.
Yo the best Cognac I ever had is called Hennessey Pure White I bought some bottles while in Nassau on a cruise nothing beats it. The only drawback is they don’t sell it in the states if you can find it cherish it
Hard liquor has always been overrated, save for the Crown. I wasn’t even a fan of that Remy. I’ll stick to my Sierra Nevada, thanks.
No love for Jack? Disgraceful.
For some reason, Tekillya is my favorite choice. It’s not like I really enjoy the taste but for some reason I am not into Vodka anymore. There is a saying that Tekillya makes your clothes come off…this saying finally rung true for me this summer. This is why I haven’t really drank since. It’s always the last shot that kicks you in the ass. Lesson learned.
I didn’t see Everclear on your list. What’s up with that.
Get you some vanilla flavored vodka.
I don’t think moonshine got fair coverage in this discussion.
Damn, I got in on this conversation late.
Vic, Lagavulin is my #1 single malt (Scotch Whisky). If you like that, try Laphroaig, Caol Ila, Bowmore and Ardbeg. They’re all from Isla region of Scotland, and are all known for their smokey/peaty taste!
Anyway, I only drink good single malts (no Glenlivet or Glenfiddich thank you), and not much else as far as liquor is concerned. Blended Scotch (Jonnie Walker, Chevis, Dewars, etc., aren’t that good). Bo, I’ll bet if you buy a good bottle of single malt (I’d recommend the Glenmorangie Port Wood), you’ll change your tune.
If anyone is ever in Heathrow, hit up the World of Whisky store in the international gates. You get stuff there that you can’t buy out of the UK. Plus, they’re all liter bottles and not 750 ml. Also, the DFS store there have single malt tasting stations. Yes, you can get loaded for free off the BEST stuff before your flight.
Another interesting fact: if it is from Scotland (or Ireland), it is “WHISKY.” If it is Bourbon or Sour Mash from America, it is “WHISKEY” with an “e.” Check your bottles!
This is a really late comment, but you totally left out ouzo. Tequila will always be my first and favourite , but ouzo is a guilty pleasure.