Okay, that one was really, really funny. I’ve heard complaints about the gross stuff, but that’s always been on the show. It’s been a problem, but I didn’t think so this time. You can say what you want because, honestly, I was lauging too hard to create an informed, analytical critique.
But that werewolf/pretty hair line is for the annals.

It’s just that simple. 25 people with absolutely incredible voices.
Aretha Franklin. The best female singer in American history.
Paul Robeson. He might have had the voice of God. And this is an agnostic saying that.
Marvin Gaye. Again, another worrisome case of a man whose best skill was the ability to exhibit longing.
Eartha Kitt. When she talks, it sounds like she’s trying to get in your pockets. And if she did it to me for real, I’d walk out of there with my pockets looking like elephant ears.
Michael Jackson. If only he used it more. I’ll always have that knock on MJ, but I’ll never knock what he can do.
Chris Cornell. The best rock singer of the last twenty years. Him and that weirdo…
Mike Patton. but my goodness, he’s crazy. He can do a bunch of shit with his voice, though.
Chuck D. Just screams out “authority.”
Etta James. Oh yeah, “At Last” is one of the greatest records ever made. Ever.
Van Morrison. This sounds patronizing, but I don’t know another way to put it–Van Morrison is the greatest white singer ever. I don’t even think it’s close.
Patti Labelle. Good lord.
Pimp C. Find out if you don’t know.
Andre 3000. Rappin, not singin. Rappin.
Method Man. No matter what anyone said before, Meth’s voice is an all-time classic.
Snoop Doggy Dogg. You know it.
Barry White. The gold standard for bass voices.
David Ruffin. Perhaps the gold standard for niggaz singin that can’t sing but rip it.
Donny Hathaway. Here’s the thing–he’s a one-trick pony. Can be absolutely touching or utterly boring. Yes, I know a few of you are about to cut up on that one.
MC Lyte. Powerful cadence.
Rick James. The underrated part of his game.
Sam Cooke. But I wonder about anyone that naturally sound sad like that, yanno? That said, he’s one of hte fuckin’ greatest.
Slick Rick. No better hip hop delivery.
Busta Rhymes. Fuck it, I love The Big Bang.
MJG. Underrated delivery.
Paul Simon. Odd choice, right? Simon’s no boss vocalist. But every song he sings just sounds like Paul Simon’s singing it. I really feel like I know him, and it’s because of his voice and how they perfectly fit his lyrics.
Oh yeah, peep that Ray Cash. Peep it.

Just to piss Kirk off, I’m writing about Prince today. Hi Kirk.
Anyway, I wasn’t sure what to write about this week for the still-sponsorless Take It Back, so I decided to go with what I know. If you didn’t know, Prince is my favorite artist ever, only rivaled in my one-person universe by OutKast, Stevie, James Brown and a couple of other folks. I’ll spend another day explaining why.
There are four Prince albums that are generally considered to be a cut above the rest–Dirty Mind, 1999, Purple Rain, and Sign O the Times. I’ve always maintained that Sign O The Times was the best of those, the best album of the ’80s, and a few other superlatives.
But while thinking about that Lauryn Hill album, I had to reconsider that. Sign O The Times does have a skipper, “It’s Gonna Be a Beautiful Night.” It’s a good cut, but not like the others. And I’m not super crazy about “Hot Thing.”
More on that later. But I figured it would be kinda interesting to go through those four records and see how they stack up. And if you want, feel free to apply this to Parade, which barely misses the cut.
Dirty Mind
The story on DM is pretty interesting. The version you hear on the album is the demo version. Being the cantakerous artist he is, Prince decided that there was no way to improve the record from what he did in the basement of his house. For that reason, the record sounds raw and spontaneous at every turn. Oh yeah, and nasty as fuck. Emphasis on fuck. It’s sex pretty much from start to finish, but not too much romance.
(And while I love the record how it is, I’d love to hear what it would sound like remastered and with a piano. More later on that last part.)
Most amazing characteristic–brevity.
This record is eight tracks and 29 minutes long. Even still, you’re left wanting more but not feeling shortchanged. Just concentrated energy a la The Ramones. How often can you say that you blasted the entirety of a classic in half an hour?
Nastiest moment–“Sister.”

And he’s talking about his sister. Much older sister. Like it would be illegal if it wasn’t already illegal.
Best track–“When You Were Mine.”
Absolute genius. And not to sound like a misogynist–which means I will and might be one–but this chick never sounded like she should have been trusted. Step your game up, lil fella.
Worst track–none, really.
This is a really consistent record. Not a lot of variance between the best track and the worst. But if forced to drop one, it would be “Do It All Night.”
What I would change–PIANO
There was no room in Prince’s basement for a piano, so there’s no piano on the record. What a loss, man. I contend that he’s a better piano player than anything, and that’s saying a lot. I’d also like to have heard this record done after his voice matured a bit. Then, he sang because he had to. A few years later, he could sing his ass off.
In the end, this stands up with any album of the early ’80s. It’s energetic, it’s interesting, it’s sexy, and it’s fun And when you consider it’s demos, you can’t help but be amazed (same for Springsteen’s Nebraska, which don’t hold a candle to this).
1999
After Dirty Mind was Controversy, which was an attempt to do a finished version of DM. It’s got moments, but it’s not the heat. That’s what happens when you do albums six months apart. Prince knew that his next record had to be a hit. To get there, he chose a double album titled 1999.
Most amazing characteristic–expanse.
Where DM was quick and to the point, 1999 takes its time. There are no 2 minute joints on here. Most of them are about six minutes long. Some around 9 or 10. It’s also expansive in scope, sound and subject matter. The use of the Linn synthesizer gives a lot of the songs a similar sound, but that’s only if you’re not paying close attention. While having common charactersitics, “1999,” “Little Red Corvette,” “Delirious,” and “Let’s Pretend We’re Married” all sound different and discuss entirely different themes. But somehow, they all work together perfectly in sequence. Very impressive.
Nastiest Moment–“Little Red Corvette”

Uhhhh…let’s just say it took a lot to top, “I’m not saying this to be nasty, but I’d sincerely like to fuck the taste out of your mouth.”
Best track–“Little Red Corvette”
My man Eric Arnold once called this a modernized version of “I Wanna Hold Your Hand.” He’s right. Absolutely incredible.
Worst track–“Something in the Water (Doesn’t Compute)”
And there’s really nothing wrong with it. Just not really necessary.
What I would change–not a damn thing.
This is what I said about this one years ago…
“His first double album, “1999,” was a smashing success, a cultural landmark that showed how genius could turn vulgarity into erotica, weirdness into eccentricity, and synthesizers into orchestral weapons.”
Purple Rain
After 1999, Prince decided he wanted a movie. He had the juice to make it happen after the success of 1999. So they gave him a movie. He gave them a soundtrack.
Most amazing characterstic–energy.
By the time the first guitar chords on “Let’s Go Crazy” are played, you know you’re in a different world. Even the ballads get your heart rate up. It’s absolutely amazing.
Nastiest moment–“Darling Nikki”
Pick a line. Any line.
Best track–“When Doves Cry”
Goodness gracious. Good lord. I agree with Ahmir Thompson–this is the most audacious #1 single ever.
Worst track–“I Would Die 4 U.”
I can do without it, even though it’s pretty damn good.
What I would change–sequencing.
I prefer the movie sequencing. Put “Purple Rain” at #7 and not the end. Then close with “Baby, I’m a Star,” which sums up the album much better.
Sign O The Times
Just read this.
Best track–“Adore”
(Turn away from the screen, children.)
No record is more conducive to sex than this one. None. I dare you to leave me in the room with your woman and this song in the background. I just hope your woman’s cute, for it would really suck if the music made me have to end the night with the phrase, “for real, I’ll cut you if you tell a soul.”
Nastiest moment–???
Ths record is really tame by comparison. Much more subtle. That’s actually a strike against it.
Worst track–“It’s Gonna Be a Beautiful Night”
Yanno, I’ve actually only listened to this all the way through like twice. Price you pay for being before “Adore.” My man ben feels the same way about U2’s “WhosGonnaRideYourWildHorses,” which directly precedes “So Cruel.”
What I would change–I would have put “When 2 R In Love” on Disc 1 (instead of Lovesexy or The Black Album) and saved “Slow Love” for later. In other words, I’m just being greedy.
So what’s my final order?
4. Dirty Mind
For everything good I have to say about it, Prince evolved so much after this that it’s hard to not consider what this record could have sounded like. Really, imagine if he’d run with this premise in ’88. Whoooo…
3. Purple Rain
I’m torn here. The energy of this record is irreplaceable, and it’s hard to explain it in a way that matters. But there isn’t a single song on here that doesn’t hit you somewhere when it starts. Not a single one. At the same time, I just feel like it should be here, even though i have no defensible answer for that. Guess that’s the tough part about ranking stratospheric records.
2. 1999
Okay, I got it. This record was farther ahead of its time than Purple Rain That shouldn’t matter too much for the here and now, but it’s something to consider. The killer is how he covered so much ground within a cohesive structure. Amazing.
1. Sign O The Times
It still wins. A year ago, I wondered about this choice because it had two songs I thought were skippers, “Play in the Sunshine” and “It’s Gonna Be a Beautiful Night.” Then my man Funzo Goodstein mentioned to me that he loved “Play in the Sunshine.” So I went back and gave it another chance. Absolutely loved it. No idea how I was trippin.
If I can go back years later and develop a new appreciation for a song on a record without losing appreciation for another, then we’re onto something.
And that’s all. Argue as you see so fit. And yes, Kirk, I’m waiting on it.

My boss, Kevin Jackson, has a good piece up on Seattle’s all-but-assured loss of the Sonics. Poor guy.
Along the way, he mentioned that he empathized with every city that had lost a team in his lifetime. That includes my city, Houston, which lost the Oilers in 1996. Thanks for the love, Kevin.
But we’ll be okay. Really.
In case you didn’t know, we gave that team away. Didn’t want them anymore. Bud Adams had the audacity to demand stadium stuff when the team was as bad as it was post-Earl-pre-Run-N-Shoot. Man, they were dreadful. I would love to describe how bad, but the home games never sold out and were never on television. Plus, I was more of a Falcons fan anyway, so I never really felt inclined to peep them if there was something better on. But unlike the classic fairweather Houston fan–and no city is more fairweather–I was never that deep into them anyway. My sports loyalties are to Atlanta teams (or, in the case of basketball, mostly to the game itself).
Anyway, it was interesting that he mentioned that about Houston because I don’t remember any weeping. In fact, I remember there being only like 60 people at the Save the Oilers rally in ’96. In case you weren’t aware, Houston’s the 4th largest city in America.
And only 60 people show up. More people than that show up to watch high school football practices.
But Bud tried to play the city too many times. After he threatened to move to Jacksonville in ’87, the Astrodome was renovated. The biggest part of that–the centerfield scoreboard was taken down. That really was like losing a family member for most people. In fact, check the quotes in the “fast facts” section in this link. The scoreboard was primarily used at baseball games, and it took away valuable football seating.
So Bud asked for it to go. And it did. I really can’t knock that.
But then he came back asking for more when the team was at its bottom. The city had enough and was okay with him leaving.
Houston’s an interesting city for sports because it’s not blindly loyal to any team. If the teams don’t produce, Houston doesn’t show up. If it doesn’t produce and tries to extort things against the threat of leaving, you can take your shit and dip. Just the name of the game.
But I do feel bad for Kevin. It’s gotta suck to lose something you love. But I’ve also lived between two cities, so I can’t perfectly empathize. I love sports more than most teams (the Braves being a serious exception). But losing anything you love is rough.
Got a lot going on, but probably no new pieces this week. I am, however, speaking at a school in the DC area next week and covering a bass fishing championship later next week. Also got something else I’m working on that I’ll tell you about soon.
And before I go, congratulations to Gary Dauphin! Gary left the 3,000th comment in the history of virtual Bomaniland. Hooray Gary!