{"id":604,"date":"2007-04-02T11:27:31","date_gmt":"2007-04-02T16:27:31","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.bomanijones.com\/blog\/2007\/04\/02\/barbershops-then-a-tangential-left-turn\/"},"modified":"2022-01-18T14:47:10","modified_gmt":"2022-01-18T22:47:10","slug":"barbershops-then-a-tangential-left-turn","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.bomanijones.com\/?p=604","title":{"rendered":"Barbershops, then a tangential left turn"},"content":{"rendered":"

Business…here, I talk to my unborn children about the two teams in tonight’s championship game<\/a>.
\nSo I went to the barber shop this morning in preparation for a formal event I’m going to with my girlfriend.\u00a0 Might be late getting to the house for the game, but that’s why The Man made TiVo.\u00a0 Anyway, the barber shows up late.\u00a0 That’s never good, especially not today.\u00a0 When you’re the only shop around open on Monday, you should know that all parties involved need<\/em> to get that cut fast.\u00a0 We’re not conditioned to get cuts on Mondays.\u00a0 When we do, it’s a bit of an emergency.
\nI get there, and dude gets me in the chair fast.\u00a0 But while he’s edging up the front, it becomes readily apparent why dude was late–he was gettin’ lifted.\u00a0 I mean his fingers smelled like straight killa, and this was after he thoroughly washed his hands.\u00a0 No wonder the cut took like 40 minutes.
\nI do look rather fly, though.\u00a0 Very important on a night like this.\u00a0 Decreases the possibility of some enterprising young man hittin’ my girl with the Morris Day, “what’s your phone number?\u00a0 I gotta be cooler than this cat you’re sittin’ with.”
\nThat line’s always thrown me off, too.\u00a0 What’s cool got to do with crazy, buddy?\u00a0 In fact, the best case scenario when approaching someone like that is that he’s the coolest dude on Earth.\u00a0 That way, he’ll just kinda post up and not trip.\u00a0 If he ain’t cool, something tells me you’ll get the glass shampoo from his bottle.\u00a0 Or maybe that’s just me.\u00a0 I dunno.
\nEither way, I hope I serve as my own pimpin’ repellent.\u00a0 I always say that, when buying engagement rings, men are trying to get something that will serve as pimpin’ repellent.\u00a0 Yanno, something dudes will see and instantly recognize they have no chance.\u00a0 I’ve been shut down by a few rings in my time.
\nSince I’m not at the ring point yet, I gotta do the job myself when I’m around.\u00a0 Root for me.\u00a0 Or just root that I don’t have to snatch that glass.\u00a0 Root for my happiness.\u00a0 And root that I stay outta jail.\u00a0 Can’t blog from the clink, I don’t think.\u00a0 I get the feeling the WiFi in there is booty.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Business…here, I talk to my unborn children about the two teams in tonight’s championship game. So I went to the barber shop this morning in preparation for a formal event I’m going to with my girlfriend.\u00a0 Might be late…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":56,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_active":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_note":"","_monsterinsights_sitenote_category":0,"cybocfi_hide_featured_image":"","footnotes":"","_links_to":"","_links_to_target":""},"categories":[4],"tags":[96],"class_list":["post-604","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-blog","tag-boblogs"],"acf":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.bomanijones.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/604","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.bomanijones.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.bomanijones.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.bomanijones.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/56"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.bomanijones.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=604"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.bomanijones.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/604\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.bomanijones.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=604"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.bomanijones.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=604"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.bomanijones.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=604"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}