They’re strange places. Germ incubators, marvels of technology, and tests of any rational person’s patience.
That’s because, while no one wants to be talked to on a plane, we’re all connected to each other in the flying tubes. What one person does affects another. Blow up the bathroom, and we all suffer.
And if you bring your four children, all under the age of 7, we all gotta put up with them.
This was a flight from Atlanta to RDU. Six hour drive. Now, I felt super lazy about flying, but I was tired. I imagine the parents in question were tired, too. But you don’t need to share what’s making you tired with the rest of us. You didn’t see me doing a show on the plane, did you?
So I had four critters behind me, and you know critters can’t be together without acting up. Admittedly, these kids weren’t dreadful. That said, why roll the dice with the rest of us, ha? If it’s less than eight hours, pack up the minivan and leave us alone. Thanks.
Now, let’s talk about the funny of the trip. Some dude with an S-curl was sitting next to me. That was humor in and of itself. But right before the plane takes off, dude starts stirring next to me. I look over, and what has he done?
Put on a fur coat.
It was almost 70 degrees in Atlanta today. My flight took off at 6. It was not fur weather.
And what was his hand? A clear plastic hanging bag with his clothes. I’m reluctant to say “bag” because that wasn’t what it was.
So you such a baller that you wear a fur on the plane, but you can’t afford a hanging bag?
The friendly skies. The friendly friggin’ skies.
8 Comments
by Chrichelle
Very hilarious, apparently madness abounds nationwide. Outbound from Oakland, I spied a moron that went into his nose, fingers up to the knuckle, at least six times before finally passing one finger by his mouth for a pre-flight snack. I later caught him making numerous flicking motions and wiping his fingertips on his pants
There were also the two white strangers next to me at the gate that had a lengthy discussion about how great O’Reilly is and how he is hamstrung from truly and freely expressing himself. As if.
Then there was the crippled 50-something salt-n-pepper brother that asked the 20-something gate agent to call him Big Daddy. He proceeded to loudly perform gangsta rap for the whole plane as we boarded until a Big Mama type told him “don’t everybody want to hear all of that”.
by Tree Frog
I saw a black man get down on his knees and pray before boarding back in ’97 or so.
I also saw a bunch of Nepali “lowries” (laborers) get on a plane for the first time and try to enact every step of the safety lecture. One put on his safety vest and inflated it.
Weirdest part about that was having everyone around me look to see what the “white-looking-dude-who-knows-what’s-up” was doing and then following me. Those guys were all good people though.
by Kirk
If I needed to put my dog on an airplane, I’d get a tranquilizer from the vet, maybe a muzzle, and poochie would go into the cargo area in a cage. I don’t understand why children aren’t treated the exact same way.
by Q
Man…. I can’t wait until you have children Bomani. Can’t wait!!!!
by Lars
2000. Two weeks on the island of St. Kitts. Bliss… until boarding the return, connecting from San Juan to JFK. Two weeks of tranquil brain waves were lost and forgotten in a matter of moments after boarding that particular (sold out, mind you…) friendly sky flier.
Airplanes have morphed into the modern day equivalent of the Judas Chair (look it up…)
PS – Bose noise cancelling…and Jack ‘n Ginger.
Lars
by asha zee
chrichelle’s comment–you can’t make that stuff up. utterly hilarious!
why do i get the feeling that there’s less than 6 degrees of seperation between my man with the s-curl on bomani’s flight and ‘big daddy’ on chrichelle’s flight. just a hunch.
by Ms Krista
PLEASE tell me you got a stealth cell phone photo of Frenchie 2009? PLEASE!