That Funky Lil White Boy

I’m back. When I’m short on time, Luther is gonna pop up here and there. Learn to love him. I have, but it surely took time.
And business…this week, I’m talking about Eminem in the column.
And he gets burn on the site this week! Cuz this album is…uhhh, interesting. Long of the short–step away from the beat machine. Just step away.

First, let’s stop with the undeniable–Em’s a beast. He’s a man-eating battle rapper, and he’s got a unique perspective, that of the disaffected white boy. He’s so so so white, and he doesn’t really try to front that off.
That’s what I dig about him. If you’re white, be white. I’m okay with that.
So when he does tracks like “Yellow Brick Road,” a song about being white and confused in the late ’80s. Silly white boy stuff like sporting medallions and all that, followed by having the medallion ripped off his neck.
The tragedy of whiteness in hip hop. Gotta suck, man. Cry me a river.
But he didn’t cry, and I roll with him for that. I get tired of hearing cats talk about these big, bad, discriminatory black folks. Trust me, if it’s the case, you’ll get over getting banned from the cipher. Most of us will never get over the pesky issue of staying out of jail. I wish someone would discriminate against me so I could avoid that one, lemme tell ya.
But see, here’s the problem with Mr. Mathers….somebody told him that he could make beats.
Somebody lied to him, jack.
Making your own beats is like sewing your own clothes…if you’re not Ralph Lauren, go to the store and buy your gear. Nothin’ like when you can tell someone their own sweater, one of those where the V-neck looks more like a check mark. Sure, it may seem cool, but it’s not fly.
And Em’s beats aren’t fly. Off top, the only fly beat he ever did was “Renegades” off Jigga’s The Blueprint. So when I hear “Like Toy Soldiers,” I think of how good it would be if someoen else did the track (even though I thought that beat was decent). Same for “My First Single” and “Crazy In Love.” He’s just not a beast on the boards.
What’s even stranger is that Dre isn’t a beast when he works with Em. There is not a single beat that grabs me. Not a one.
But man, Em’s a lyrical genius, so it works. If you’re jaded on love, peep his verse on “Spend Some Time.” Resonates in the angry heart. If you’ve got a daughter and her moms is trippin, roll with “Mockingbird.”
Plus, Em ain’t that angry no more. How good is he when he’s not angry? Not sure…see, he’s good now, but he’s not exciting like he was in 2000. Some people need their lives to be in the tubes to make good music. They need something to fuel their fire. Now that he’s rich, he’s come to some peace with his woman, and stuff like that, he just doesn’t charge me up.
How selfish am I? I want his life to get foul again so that he can rock it like it’s 1999. Being a fan is such a strange life, I swear.
You know what, no need to write more. Hot lyrics, hot garbage beats. Purchase with caution.
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The Nomad has been replaced, so it’s playlist time again!
Bubba Sparxxx – Kuntry Folks
Temptations – Papa Was a Rolling Stone
Marvin Gaye – Soon I’ll Be Loving You
TI – Bring ‘Em Out
Jay-Z – PSA Remix
Sam Cooke – Smoke Ring
Tracey Lee – The Theme (stop fakin’ like you ain’t love that when it came out)
Albert King – I Ain’t Drunk, I’m Just Drinkin’
Big Pun – Dream Shatterer
You have no idea how glad I am to have this thing back. I actually paid for another one (though at a cut rate).
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Be easy, folks…next column is gonna be on Puffy, and there should be a BSN joint, also. Also, I’m looking into moving to two posts a week. If I can swing it, we’ll make it happen. And if that ain’t enough, I’ll have to rehash the Bomaniland grand opening for those who couldn’t make it.