Okey dokey, I’m back from the funeral. All things considered, it was a nice time. Funerals come with good and bad, but the good tends not to get adequate mention. So, here are the few things I figured from the last couple of days.
But first, let’s talk about this hotel I stayed in Monday night…
First, I must start by saying I did not pay for this hotel, so I shouldn’t have too much room to complain. A free room is a free room. However, not all rooms are created equal, no matter the cost.
This place was called the Bricktown City Plaza. Apparently, downtown Oklahoma City is being gentrified, and they’re calling it Bricktown. This hotel was not downtown, though. The bricks they were referring to must have been in the mattresses. My back is still screaming at me. My brother was in the bed next to me, ready to jump ship and head to the Renaissance, Quality Inn, or anything else. It wasn’t quite the Don’t Tell, but it was the Dew Drop Inn. We did, and we dropped the hell out as soon as we could.
Anyhoo, let’s keep this moving…
Good Things About Funerals
1. Family pictures.
Geography and real life are evil beings, making it such that it tends to take a funeral to get an entire family in the same place. However, it’s always good to see the fam. Unfortunately, the Old Man has been cleared to practice and rehab, but he wasn’t able to make a flight. No problem, though…me and my brother are better looking, anyway.
Oh, and nothin’ beats sportin’ a fresh mink. Even if it ain’t yours.
2. Food.
Okay, no matter how gloomy the service, the spread afterwards raises everyone’s spirits. When Boone died, JR suggested that we go somewhere else. Chap and I said there was no way we were going to miss the spread–never mind the fact that the pallbearers should stick around–and we demanded that we go. Man, that was a smashing idea. I almost caught the -itis in the basement of the church. My grandmother’s service was no different…ya boy went to work. Almost passed out right then. Unfortunately, now I’m back home, the meal is gone, and there’s very little here to compare to that. Shucks.
3. Learning.
This is an interesting one. See, this service was different for me because I didn’t know my grandmother that well. It wasn’t because we’re detached from the family, but my grandmother was good and grown by the time I was born, and her memory started to fade before my ability to really remember things kicks in. Sitting at the funeral gave me a good chance to learn things about my grandmother, hear funny stories, and see the genuine affection people held for her. The service was beautiful, and I left sure that it was dedicated to a beautiful lady. Just kinda wish I could have found that out earlier, but that was beyond anyone’s control.
Bad Things About Funerals
1. It’s a funeral. ‘Nuff said.
I’ll be back shortly, y’all. Just gotta get ready to teach the chilluns in the morning.
5 thoughts on “Back in town…”
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I got a No. 2 for bad things at a funeral
2. That aunt/great aunt you don’t like who be talkin’ about folk behind dey back. At the funeral she be the main one, or one of the main ones, cryin and shit like “Oh Jeezus take me!! Oh Whyyyyyyyyy Lord, Whhhyyyyyyyy.”
You stop sobbing for your dead relative for a minute and start sensing your inner Ice Cube (circa early 90s Cube) and just wanna go smack the broad and say “Shaddup!! You were dissin Uncle (insert country name here) a month ago at the barbecue”
But I digress…But is it just me?
I attended a funeral for aunt who died over the Christmas holidays. i was in SC and I drove my mother to DC for the service. My sister and nephew went with us and, all in all, it was enjoyable.
I spent 7 hours in the car and, when she wasn’t criticizing my driving, my mom shared stories with me about her side of the family — stories I had never heard, and I’ve been grown for more than a minute. The family info she shared on the trip up and back was more than I could’ve asked for. In fact, I need to sit my beehine down at this keyboard and record some of it before it’s gone.
The other great thing was getting to see relatives I haven’t seen since I was a kid. I remember a lot of these people coming down south in Caddys and Buicks with trunks full of liquor!!! Man, them folks could drink back in the day. “Whatchu want? Gin? Scotch? Beer? We’ve got it all.” There wasn’t any drinkin’ like that. Them folks is old now and they can’t hang like they used to!
The kicker had to have been my aunt’s only daughter, whom I’ll call Sybil, since that’s her name.
I don’t know Sybil very well, but I had a chance to get the flavor. Bottom line, she’s a trip. We showed up at the house to ride to the church and she comes out in a pink sequined jacket and skirt. My mother said, “Is she coming in or going out after the service?” (When older folks start making comments like that, you KNOW it’s going to be an interesting day!!!)
Sybil decided she was going to lead the choir from the pews. She not only sang the songs, she also performed the traditional gospel choir choreography! I’ve got more, but you don’t have the space to hold it all. Let’s just say I was thoroughly entertained during a jacked-up time.
All in all, it was a unique experience. I’m sad about the passing of my aunt, but she lived a full life and was almost 90-years-old. She was in pain and it was her time. She did a lot for the family and is more than deserving of her “reward.”
I can only wish to be remembered so fondly when my number is called. We should all be so blessed. Of course, it’s as simple as putting others first and being a blessing to those around you. That was her “secret.”
God bless you, Aunt Bonnie — Rest in peace.
Here’s another thing about funerals:
Funerals are a tricky thing. I never went to one cause no one close enough to me had died until my mom passed away. I may have went to my grandma’s when I was like 1 year old but I’m sure I’ll never remember it. My mom’s funeral was nothing short of a miracle. I say that because it was so unexpected when she passed that no one was prepared for it, I wasn’t quite sure I’d make it through it. I wasn’t ready. For years I had these awful daydreams about my mom or aunt and uncle passing away. Everytime I had one of these daydreams I cry like it is actually happening. There was no preparing me for the real thing though. I just couldn’t fathom the idea that regardless of the fact that her spirit would always be with me, I would never see her again, never touch her, never hear her voice. But what I saw at the funeral seemed worse than my own grief. I saw my aunts and my uncle and grown cousins cry like babies when my mom passed. These were the people who helped raise me and protect me. They have always been strong and shown me the way to go and not to go. But here in the church, while I’m sitting in the front pew crying my heart out, every member of my immediate family were crying theirs out as well. It was a state I had never seen them in. It was at that moment that I realized that although she was my mother, she was my aunts and uncle’s baby sister and my cousins young aunt who had impacted all thier lives before I had been a twinkling in her eye. While I have known that fact all my life I didn’t realize the strentgh of it until that moment. It was at that moment that I felt a little stronger, that I wanted to take care of them for once instead of them taking care of me. So I guess that was another good thing about funerals. If you didn’t realize the value of your family and appreciate them or even if you do know, a funeral will make it that much clearer to you, strengthen your heart just a little bit more, and in the process, comfort your soul.
Bomani:
First I’d like to extend my condolences on the passing of your grandmother. Second, I’d like to say you looked fly in that mink coat bruh!
My maternal grandmother passed in December 2004 and I have been reflecting ever since what a tremendous impact she’s had on my life. I’m so glad that I was able to spend a lot of time with her as a child and I even lived with her during my ‘rebellious teen’ years. Grandma was the rock of our family and she will be sorely missed.
bj in philly
Bomani,
Man it was so nice getting to meet you and more of your family at the funeral. I’ve known your Aunt for over twenty years man and I gottah tell yah…”You’re family is a CLASS ACT YO!” Everybody so down to earth and your mom and sis…whew…not only beautiful on the outside but just as sweet on the inside. Even though I’m not a blood relative man you know I consider the guys my bruthas and have always called your Grams Grandma. She has always treated a brutha like her own. Man I’m hella enjoying the reading of yah site. Peace~