I was the best man in my boy Pizzle’s wedding yesterday.
Twas my kind of affair; all of the feeling, none of the pretense. So that means him catching a brew like Stone Cold after he and his wife were introduced, breakin’ it all the way down to the Kanye for the dance with his mom…all of it. Here they are doing the robot.
Two happy people is all you can ask for at a wedding, and we got that.
OK, you could ask for free drank, too, and it was there. I just don’t do that no more. But there was free drank. Made from purple Hawaiian Punch, Smirnoff and Malibu. Hey, plum was one of the colors.
Anyway, if you don’t know Pizzle, he’s that dude. Dude gave me a better speech at my house Friday night than I gave for his toast. No way in hell I’m half the man he is.
Saw that at the wedding, actually. There are some people that have both the talent and temperament to serve as many, many things to many, many people. For his people, he’s gotta be that guy. It’s on him to make sure this person’s getting along with that one, this kid is feeling OK with the situation, etc. Or maybe it’s not even his job. He’s just really, really good at it. I promise you: I watched him, AT THE SAME TIME, handle something for this just-might-snap-on-all-of-you-at-any-moment wife — I heard the quote, “Bonquesha is on the verge” — and nip a crying fit from the flower girl in the bud. Pizzle’s the fix-it man, and you’ve got to be a special man to pull that off in stride.
It was interesting to see that the day before Father’s Day, because he’s the fix-it man, too. I’ve seen him do it with us, with the family he grew up in, his jobs, with his friends…everyone. I’ve seen all my clothes on other kids’ backs because I didn’t need them anymore, and my pops knew we could help. There are endless stories like this, but I could probably list 100 people for you that have the old man as one of their top two calls when you need something or somebody.
And he damn near always picks up, and comes through just about as often.
I marvel and Pizzle and my old man for that. We’ve all got our own weights to carry. To be able to lighten others’ is noble. To do so without driving yourself crazy is amazing. These cats can do it. I’d love to be like that when I grow up.
When I think about my pops, there’s one thing I’ll give him credit for before anything else: I’ve never met someone so good at taking people as they are. Somehow, long ago, he concluded that most people are doing the best they can. Some are just insecure, some are fuckups, some are sociopaths. But all of them, even those that aren’t trying that hard, are doing the best they can. Some people just aren’t built for trying, and it’s not because they’re lazy.
It’s something I’ve tried to learned, at which I admittedly struggle. When I try to do that, it probably just turns into baggage, stuffed down until it comes out like a jack-in-the-box. But it takes a special confidence and compassion to ride with people as they struggle, as they hurt you in the process, as they make the same mistakes again and again. Some could call it coddling, I guess. Older I get, I see understanding. Plus, I’ve gotten the business end of that “compassion,” so we ain’t all getting coddled.
I’ve gotten better, though. Nothing has cut down on my stress like fighting the urge to be angered by who people are, as if there’s anything I can do about it. You find what you can love and manage the rest. Or, put differently: it’s the only thing any of us can ask anyone else to do for us.
The other day, I was talking to my dad about someone I wish I’d never met. I’m stuck with her, and that makes me unspeakably unhappy. I find her to be unforgivably reprehensible. But, yanno, what can you do?
Yesterday, I watched a man with a lot less to be happy about on Father’s Day than I am handle his dad — and everything that goes with it — like a champ, as if whatever weight he was carrying wasn’t there and didn’t matter.
So this weekend, I think of two cats with one thing in common: don’t know about you, but I sure as hell hope I’m a lot more like them by the time someone’s wishing me a Happy Father’s Day.
