Went to Carolina’s graduation yesterday. For those that weren’t there, I’m here to offer you the statistics that make any graduation great. Keep in mind these numbers aren’t exact. They are merely what I could gather from my limited vantage.
Jheri curls–five.
Shags–one, but it was a magnificent one.
At Clark, the best part of graduation was seeing where all the bougie folks came from. There were always a bunch of folks–usually women–that would try to amp up their profiles once they got to school. They’d get fresh to death and try to play it like they came from high society and all that stuff I could care less about.
Then Big Mama and Big Daddy would come to graduation with the jug with the pennies in the bottom, the airhorns, and all their country goodness and blow up the spot. You could almost see some of them wince as they crossed the stage.
“Man, I wish they wouldn’t call me Nicey in over that megaphone!”
Priceless stuff, man.
Carolina doesn’t let graduates walk–BOO!!!–so you don’t quite get that great moment.
Instead, we settled for a moment that was almost as good–the applause for honorary graduate Dean Edwards Smith. Seriously, it’s impossible for me to explain how beloved Dean is here. It’s unlike anything I’ve seen or heard of. And unlike a lot of places that make their coaches into something approaching deity, it’s actually a healthy thing here.
Now, if you’ll excuse me, I must continue celebrating the fact that I spent the day with four generations of my girlfriend’s family and emerged with all of my limbs in place. A wonderful day indeed.
Fellas, please leave the best story you’ve got about meeting a girl’s family in the comments. Cuz I know some of you have been threatened for real. I know this because I wouldn’t let half of you anywhere any woman I’ve ever met. And neither would you.
15 thoughts on “Graduation Day”
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My wife’s parents actually introduced me to her, so no bad stories about meeting her peeps really.
But one of my first times chillin with my college girl’s family was at her little brother’s horse riding exhibition. Yes they were black. PG County black. Some of you DC folks know what I mean. Anyway, her stepmother had just had another baby who I thought was sleep in her arms. Trying to make conversation, I walk up to her and ask, “Is Ethan sleeping?” Ethan was actually breastfeeding. Perhaps the most embarrassing moment of my love life. Everyone thought it was funny and was real cool with it.
Bo, my favorite thing about UNC graduations is watching HOW country some people’s people were. It should be no surprise – it is the South after all. But I don’t think I’d ever seen a pin stripe – no, make that magic marker stripe – aluminum foil colored suit before. Mofos showed up and showed OUT at them joints!
Bo, they call ALL the names at Clark? I’d die if they called all the names at Carolina. I didn’t even go to my departmental graduation because there were too many names to call.
Jarrett, I had a moment like that – the intimidation part. I was too arrogant to be intimidated and scared of somebody’s dad. LOL.
When I see somebody rockin a shag-adelic, or a box fade, or a curl, or a Dominique S curl jheri-box I wonder, “What makes you think that is still fresh? Aside from people in your family, who have you seen in the last 15 years with that hairstyle?” Older men get a little bit of a pass (at least on the box fade), but damn! I’m sorry, I don’t trust young guys with those hairstyles. Something’s just wrong about them.
I don’t have any good meet the family stories. Folks LOVE me from jump…always.
My first girlfriend’s stepdad rolled up on me drunk one time and said “I won’t let nothing happen to that girl.”
I moved a little closer to dude and said “Good, but I don’t believe in that intimidation stuff from parents that aren’t mine.”
He laughed, said “good enough,” and staggered off.
They call these The Wonder Years.
To everyone not being intimidated by folks parents: There is a such thing as old man strength. Believe it. How many of you would fight your own dad? Now imagine fighting some girl’s pops after you’ve done her over. Consider yourself lucky if it’s only a fight.
My grandfather was 6’2, but skinny as hell–a buck 20 wet. When his mind started going when he was in his late 70s, none of my uncles, who are all over 6’3 and 275, could restrain him without help.
Old man strength is no joke.
I’d fight my old man and he’s only 53. Granted, he has “cop moves” since he is the 5-0, but he couldn’t handle a heavy one to the button. I’m too light on my feet for him.
Bo wrote:
Shags–one, but it was a magnificent one.
—
Hey, I got laid this weekend too!
When I met my now-wife (in PG County, no less) 2 of her cousins as well as a close friend were pregnant. Her stepmother and I were making small talk about how everyone was expecting and that soon there would be a gang of babies running around. Since her stepmoms was looking a bit poochie, I asked “So when are you due?”
“I…am not…pregnant.”
Her Pops stepped up and jumped on the sword with “That dress does make you look pregnant.”
After he got an earfull, he then gave me the best advice my young mind had ever heard- never ask a woman if she’s pregnant until you see a baby coming out.
Skelow73 –
Your father-in-law gets mad cool points for helping you out there.
I went home with my girlfriend once to meet her grandmother. And her grandmother kept calling me Josh. Josh is my girlfriend’s ex from about 3 years ago. I thought that was pretty funny. Needless to say, her grandmother still call’s me Josh.
Skelow73, been there, done that… Ooooh, it’s not a good feeling when they let you know you’re mistaken.
Rule #1,992,548: Women should not wear high waisted, billowy blouses while even “slightly” overweight unless they want that question asked.
I once dated a girl whose dad was a seal and competition shooter (whatever that is) I came to pick her up on a date. He tells me she’s not ready yet, but that I should come take a tour of the house. He walks me into a side room and it is wall to wall guns. There must have been a hundred of them at least. He says “So now you’ve seen my gun room. Have a nice time with my daughter.” I started to laugh thinking it was all a joke. He looks me in the eye and goes “Son, I’ve had to kill men who I never even knew, and I’ll do anything to protect my daughter.” I treated her like a princess.
I forgot to put up the story about one time mI was watching TV at my girlfriend’s parent’s house with her pops.
So me and her pops were watching Cheaters (great show, hella funny) and then they busted this woman with a dude who had on no shirt with some baggy ass jeans and a baseball cap.
So me, with my dumb ass forgetting where I was, blurted out, “Is that Mr. Marcus?” Then just stared away and kept quiet for 30 seconds, hoping her pops would not ask me who Mr. Marcus was or, even worse, say that that dude didn’t look like Mr. Marcus.
However, me and him are cool now.
So…was it Mr. Marcus?