Let’s get this started with some of the most double-taken things to happen at the conference.
1. JL King’s ridiculous idea
The undisputed champ of this list. For those unfamiliar, JL King is the brother that has brought this “down low” issue to the forefront. I guess it’s not his fault that people have been dumb enough to think this is anything new, nor is it his fault that people have totally distorted the issue on this one (whether your man is cheating on you with a man or a woman, the biggest problem comes when such a man does that without protection. That’s what brings the diseases around. Too much homophobia and shattered female ego gets thrown into this discussion to make it pragmatically relevant, though). It wasn’t even his fault that he said some wild things on Oprah (it turned out she blindsided him by asking him to talk about his book; he didn’t even have a copy of it yet when he appeared on her show).
It is his fault, though, that he let one bizarre suggestion fly from his lips. He said that a doctor told him of a good way for a woman to tell if her man is cheating on her with another man (never mind the problem with being entirely concerned with the gender of the other (wo)man). King said that the woman was an M.D./Ph.D, which meant that, “she had an M.D. and a Ph.D.”
Now, when he said that, I should have known something stupid was going to come next. Just shoulda known. The way he explained an M.D./Ph.D just sounded too uninformed to be followed by anything intelligent.
He says the doctor said that if a woman’s man comes home really late and he doesn’t say where he’s been, she should ask him if she can take an anal probe.
I said…He says the doctor said that if a woman’s man comes home really late and he doesn’t say where he’s been, she should ask him if she can take an anal probe.
I said…He says the doctor said that if a woman’s man comes home really late and he doesn’t say where he’s been, she should ask him if she can take an anal probe.
Instantly, the funny looks started flying all over the place…
But he wasn’t done.
After the anal probe, the woman should take a throat culture from her man. If he doesn’t gag, then he must have done something to dull that reflex, dig?
I said…eh, fuck it.
Fred had a great line on that one.
“What? I don’t even let the police search my car without a warrant.”
JR, also.
“He’s trying to get a lot of women hurt with that dumb shit.”
Ladies, let me warn you right fast. That’s not a technique to use if you’re unsure. Diggin in the back door? You better be positive of what’s going on before you do that one. That’ll get ugly fast, I promise.
And the throat culture? Naw, shawty. Naw.
But if he passes thsoe tests, will said woman feel better knowing that he might have just been laying the wood to another woman? The more I think about it, the more ridiculous this “down low” issue becomes.
2. Philip Michael Thomas
So, this may not have been Rico Tubbs himself, but we did see a gentleman with a brown suit that was nearly the same as his complexion, shades, a bit of a process…but no shirt. Instead, he had sprinkles of taco meat on his chest. And he audacity to think he was pimped out.
Also, we saw a gentleman with a perm that made him look just like Jimmy Bones. Also saw a dude that had the nerve to have a peroxide blob in the middle of a process. He looked like that dude in teh bathroom in the “Big Poppa” video with a yellow hole in his head.
Naw, shawty. Naw.
3. Superman
I didn’t witness this with my own eyes, but Fred and C-Dogg saw a dude at the liquor store with a cape tucked into a Superman shirt. No, I’m not making that up.
4. Jacque Reed
I guess it’s fairly safe to say that she and I are colleagues, so there is a necessary level of decorum. Just know this–she might be one of the twenty most beautiful women on Earth. Really, I mean that.
Also, should you be looking to meet a good-looking woman with a job, hang out in the lobby of the hotel where NABJ is being held. Trust me. Indy in ’06. Vegas in ’07.
5. ‘Nique
Ever watch a tape of Dominique Wilkins highlights? Here’s how dope the tape I saw was…
With him in the room, a room full of writers who have seen it all couldn’t contain themselves while watching him handle business. Even after all these years, he’s still my favorite player. My mule if he never won a race.
And no, he never won a race of any consequence.
****
Next up–Time Mellows a Brother. Many people were spared because of thsi increase in maturity, including one John Singleton.
13 thoughts on “NABJ, Part I–Did You See/Hear That?”
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j l king’s ridiculous idea:
I read: [jl king] says the doctor said that if a woman’s man comes home really late and he doesn’t say where he’s been, she should ask him if she can take an anal probe.
how about this – jl king is ridiculous in general.
how corny is a guy who is going around saying, “btw, your man could be cheating with another man,” under the guise of helping women everywhere? i happen to think that my man cheating on me is bad enough – man, woman, protected, unprotected – but for my man to have the audacity to sleep with someone else without wearing a condom that’s big enough to protect him from that person’s possible herpes or HPV? it’s bad enough that some people don’t think the actual act of cheating will be hurtful once their significant other finds out but then to put that person’s life and health in jeopardy… yeah, playa NAW
jl king is should be called jl simp as far as i’m concerned. sexual preference has nothing to do with jack – what you like is what you like however, your partner should never suffer because you are confused.
those tests (anal probe and throat culture?) are bull. if your guy “comes home really late and he doesn’t say where he’s been,” reevaluate your man, position in the relationship, the status of trust, etc. think about it – you don’t know where he’s been but that shouldn’t matter. if y’all are at the point where you are living together yet you feel compelled to distrust him, should y’all still be living together? sleeping together?
but hey – maybe you don’t want to take advice from someone who’s single… and disease free.
Wow…anal probe and throat culture…this precautionary measure sounds just as redic as taping plastic wrap to your windows in case of an anthrax attack. Both just might get you killed. Good thing I haven’t been giving this cat much attention. I wish I could say the same for the women in my workplace though. What a clown.
Think about it..if your man LETS you give him an anal probe that’s reason enough for alarm. Bad advice, he should have kept that one to himself.
An anal probe and a throat culture? Shit, I’m gay and wouldn’t consent to that foolishness. You’re right; that shit would get real ugly real fast.
This is that special kind of stupid, the kind that makes you wanna fight because you were forced to listen to it. I almost wonder if he isn’t up there trying to say the dumbest shit possible just to see if people will take it seriously. An anal probe and a throat culture?
“Ladies, take a corn cob, butter it up nice and slow. If he smiles, you need to worry!”
And I’ll bet $1,000 that he and Oprah share a large part of the same fan base.
There’s also an R. Kelly/Trapped in the Closet joke here somewhere, but I’ll leave that to much more qualified (funnier) people than myself.
Okay, King’s officially a clown. Where did his Ph D / MD expert get their degree? Wal-Mart?
Yeah dat Nique video will forever be a classic. How about the old Negro league player that talked for almost 30 minutes and still didn’t finish.
i love the assumption that guys like anal probes and throat cultures.
this shit is asinine.
please note the comedy in the signature on kirk’s first comment.
excellent.
i don’t know who this jl king cat is but hopefully he’ll fade into obscurity or get abducted by aliens and anally probed a few times
Ok….no man, worth his salt, is even going to TOLERATE/CONSIDER/DIGNIFY THAT REQUEST with a remark. I would recommend any man that hears this question leave. Do not look back. Do not question, do not argue. Just…go. And these fools get airtime.
Tacomeat. Always…makes me shudder. And not in a good way.
Dominique, only dunks that ever made me well…nevermind.
Mr. King, Dr. King, Simp (what ever the hell you call him) is going to get a lot of women BEAT. I don’t advocate violence against women at all, but any woman that tries this bull is asking for trouble.
I don’t care if you are gay, straight or bi. Do what you do, just don’t hurt anybody in the process.
Side notes:
* I know she won’t give me the time of day but I must give props to Jacque Reed for being fine has hell and for being a damn good anchor. She is probably the most underrated person in television journalism. Pam Oliver is a close second. I hate to say it but she should leave BET and go back to CNN. Or better yet NBC.
* Dominique Wilkins IS the Atlanta Hawks. Notice I said is not was. He can fill an arena with just his name alone. If you thought his dunks were great you should see some of his 360 degree lay-ups and over the shoulder shots. He made them look like easy.
C-Dogg 9:11 – Beware of the Dog…C-Dogg
umm, I think that it was a great idea that this man exposed the men on the dl. Is it me or is being on the dl and sleeping with women offensive and disrespectful? And is it just me that thinks homosexuality is a mental defect? Maybe so but you can kiss my ass
umm, I think that it was a great idea that this man exposed the men on the dl. Is it me or is being on the dl and sleeping with women offensive and disrespectful? And is it just me that thinks homosexuality is a mental defect? Maybe so but you can kiss my ass