Oh, Gov. Sanford…

So the governor of South Carolina told on himself today. That’s pretty interesting. He didn’t have to tell me anything. I had no clue who he was.
At first, he was gonna go on a hike…but he decided to jet out to Argentina for five days to get down with a “dear dear friend.”
I imagine a few of his constituents said…
“I didn’t know the governor went to outer space. NASA’s just wasting money!”
Now, I can’t speak for you, but there’s never been a time that I’ve been looking for something to do, started with the idea of walking around for no damn reason, then arrived at “eh, guess I’ll go get laid.”  “Go get laid” is rarely, if ever, the secondary option.  If it’s an option, it’s WAY up on the list.  If it’s not, I ain’t even trying to think about it.
I just wanna know what the woman looks like.  In college, after an unfortunate trip to Nashville back in ’99, I decided that I wouldn’t be crossing state lines to see a woman if I was gonna be sleeping on the couch.  Gas is too precious in these tough economic and environmental times.  Plus, I’ll be damned.  Hell no.
Then, to top it off, he says he went down to Argentina and cried for all five days.  Why go to Argentina for that?
Now think about this…while many of you ladies think I’m heartless for my legendary state lines rule, I know you know what I’m talking about.  Because if you want it and expect it but don’t get it, there’s a good chance a man may never get another chance.  EVER.  You learn young that you better be ready when she’s ready, because you’ll never need to be ready again.
So this fool flies across CONTINENTS, and he cries all day long for five days?  Lemme tell ya something…if it was like that, the trip wouldn’t have taken no five days.  She’d have put his ass out, in Spanish and English, after four hours.  She wakes up, picks his trifling ass up from the airport, and all he wants to do is cry and feel guilty?  Dude needed to work that stuff out on the plane.  He decided to go there.  She decided you could stay.  She deserved better than his bogus guilt.
What a confused man.  Check this quote out…
“I wanted to do something exotic,” Sanford explained earlier, before admitting the affair, calling Buenos Aires “a great city.”
But instead of doing that, he just cried for five days.  Riiiiiiight.
Look, his business is his business.  I haven’t lived long, but I’ve lived long enough to know that I have nothing to offer when it comes to someone’s marriage.  If they’ve got an agreement, fine.  That’s all that matters.
But if I fly all the way to South America to see a woman and don’t get ANY, I’m gonna be mad at whoever’s responsible.
And you know what?  There goes the only plausible explanation for the tears.  Well, on every level, Guv, it’s on you.

7 thoughts on “Oh, Gov. Sanford…”

  1. One has to imagine that there were scads of women he could have not gotten laid by and cried upon in his own state.
    Fully support your stance on road games, by the way.

  2. Yeha, he played himself and didn’t even give his staff anything to help cover his ass. They said he was hiking, his wife (who’s known about his philandering for the past 5 months) tells the press he’s working on a book, and he just goes ghost. Did it ever occur to him that the state might wonder where the hell their governor went? Anyways, fuck that dude. He was the guy who wanted to refuse the recovery act money cause he didn’t think people needed unemployment benefits or schools needed new roofs. Karma’s a bitch. Also, I peep you on the state line also. Gas is too expensive.

  3. Maria…seriously picking the most common name in South America..
    You heard it hear first.. Maria is actually going to be a man and the truth will come out. No one flies to Argentina for little strange..unless the strange has a dark tan, deep voice and chest hair..

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